Hair Loss – Wigs – Reflections

by admin on September 14, 2018

reflectionsReflected. Reflect. Reflections.
Evolved. Evolve. Evolving.

Words. Just words.

My own hair loss situation, has evolved greatly over the years. Mostly, in how I dealt with it.

Adapted. Accepted. From cutting off most of my hair over time, to finding a short style to work to provide optimal hair wearing results for myself ( since I pull out pieces of my front hair line), to also accepting the progressive decline, but ultimately learning to live with my situation to where it no longer controlled me. That included being honest about my hair loss, and wig wearing with those around me.

I am 40, and started losing my hair at 21. My entire 20’s and some of my 30’s were lost to tears of hopelessness. It’s the whole reason I started the Women’s Hair Loss Project in 2007. It was the bottom of my bottom and there just wasn’t anyone out there online at the time for women, speaking about women’s hair loss, or at least no one I found that spoke to me and my situation, or at least could relate to (and definitely not in 1999 at the beginning of my hair loss) and I just felt alone, utterly alone.

Not sure if 40 was the “hit the wall” number for my own hair, but it has been rough year, and it’s currently on the rapid decline within the hair line and temporal region. It will be the second time this year, my own hair is taking such a hit that it is declining to the point that it doesn’t seem at the moment anyways, that too much time is left on my side before having to pivot and adjust again… for my hair loss.

What does that mean? It means I have to potentially open another door of this journey for myself. I do not want to watch the decline of myself in the mirror, so if it sustains the loss/rate it is now, I will have to shave my head, which oddly I’m not really that scared of doing… or don’t feel that way anyways at this time. But, as someone whose worn wigs while using minimal amounts of my frontal hairline in blending my pieces, this creates a WHOLE new situation. I’ve played around with bangs, which never look awesome for my shape of face (it’s moments like this I wish I looked like the beautiful queen of bangs, Zooey Deschanel, alas I don’t, I usually look like I’m 12 years old in bangs ). I will keep trying of course, and also I may have to explore the one type of wig I haven’t really utilized which is the lace-front wig, which doesn’t require you to use any of your hair line.

So I try to keep the thoughts simple for myself during this time.

I know I can shave my head, (or I think so anyways) without too much emotional attachment to it…that has been years in the making. I know I can wear wigs (I have been doing so since 2012) and I’m okay with that part too. Now it’s bridging the gap between the two, which on paper seems like not a big leap, but I’ve adjusted to my hair loss, hair wearing in one way, and now my way of being (or living and dealing with my hair loss) has to shift again.

Reflecting.
Evolving.

XOXO

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Kelsey September 14, 2018 at 3:26 pm

Yes, yes, yes! Every single time I think I have this thing nailed down, BOOM! I get hit from a new hair loss plot twist. This post popped into my email at a time when I was particularly vulnerable. Thank you for posting and know that you will rock whatever style you end up with! Kelsey

Marilyn September 14, 2018 at 3:49 pm

Ditto with me – I have struggled with hair loss for about 10 years. I went out yesterday and bought a wig. So hard to come to terms with it. Thank you for your honesty. We all suffer in silence.

Colleen September 14, 2018 at 4:08 pm

I have thought about that moment also if or when I won’t be able to use my own hair. I like to think of my hairloss like a season, always changing! But with each season I become less stressed and worried, my family is a great support and I too tell people about my hairloss! Girl u will look great no matter what u wear and and the end of the day it’s whats in your heart that really matters, remeber this too when our friends start getting crappy hair cause getting old/menopause ours will look amazing!! Hugs girl!!

Jennica September 14, 2018 at 4:22 pm

This hit home today. My hair is growing increasingly thinner and I cry every time I need to get ready to leave the house. I wear my hair the same way every day to cover the massive thinning of my hairline. My scalp is visible if i leave my hair down so I cut it into a bob hoping it will spring up a little with some volume. Yeah right. I’m close to just cutting it all off and getting a buzz cut along with my boys. My husband is supportive but is getting weary of hearing me cry and complain about it. I’m so tired of being alone in this. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not.

ANNAMARIE September 14, 2018 at 4:25 pm

I understand, I’ve been through that struggle. After my first wig purchase I tried it on 100 times for the first week until I finally owned it and wore it to lunch with a supportive friend. I was shocked no one stood up and pointed or laughed at me. It got easier to deal with over time and now I embrace it. If I was given the choice between sight, hearing, polio, any affliction …I would choose alopecia every single time. I’m 70 and I promise you if you are otherwise healthy you will be okay with it some day. You’ll never have a bad “hair” day.
Ann

Amy September 14, 2018 at 4:25 pm

Yes, I am with you. Accepting is the state I still struggle with. Looking in the mirror and not seeing the women I thought I knew. Trying to be more than just my hair. But it was beautiful- long, thick curly hair, I miss it. and how I saw myself. I’m not a bang person either……………am trying

MJ Truelove September 14, 2018 at 4:34 pm

I too used to have really thick hair. I was 20 years old and my hair started thinning… you am know 40 and I have very thin hair on top ..

Emily September 14, 2018 at 4:56 pm

I so relate to everything you say. It’s hard to believe it’s been 7 years and I’m still riding the emotional waves. Most times I’m just numb to it now. I wear wigs everyday and it’s familiar to me but but oddly not at the same time. I’m still searching for ‘the one’. I’m still feeling the loss or the loss of things I used to do easily that I did with hair like swim, workout, just not think about it all the time etc. I think that’s the main thing really. I’m just always aware of it in every situation and that’s the biggest pain in the ass. Otherwise my hair looks freaking awesome. I’m so thankful for the amazing wigs that are made nowadays:-) Thank you for having this wonderful forum!!

Angie T September 14, 2018 at 5:52 pm

Just last week I finally cut my bio hair short. I can wear it around the house if I use tinted shampoo and Toppik. But I have been wearing wigs for several years. I can’t wear a lace front, my skin is too sensitive. I went with light, fringy bangs this time. Blunt bangs can only be pulled off by a lucky few!

I can only afford one decent wig a year so it had to be a workhorse. I’m resigned to wearing bangs forever.

You’re the one who inspired me to wear a wig in the first place and it changed my life! You’re an absolute rock star to me. If you decide to shave your head you’ll likely inspire others to do the same.

And just think, it’d be over. Done. You’d never have to see shedding again! You have the most gorgeous wigs I have ever seen and I’m sure with the talents of Sofie you will look fabulous.

Xoxo, Angie

Kathleen September 14, 2018 at 6:07 pm

I really appreciate (and need!) this website.
Its amazing how eventhough I’ve been wearing hair for two years – and my “hair” now looks so much better than my own bio does, I still get upset every time I remove my hair piece.
Reading that others go through the same thing helps a great deal. Thank you!

Nancy September 15, 2018 at 5:20 am

Hello Kelsey,
I have experienced extensive hair loss since trying low level laser treatments as an attempt to thicken my temporal areas that had gradually thinned over many years. It is now becoming more difficult to make my hair presentable, and have thought about a hair supplement (partial hairpiece). I’ve been told they are very hard on the existing hair. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thank you! Nancy

Am September 15, 2018 at 10:40 am

And this too shall pass… your courage and honesty have always amazed me. You’re a voice in the darkness of women’s hairloss and when I’m down and hopeless about my own struggle I pray for an ounce of your perseverance.
Am

Lynda September 15, 2018 at 12:24 pm

My hair started falling out 8 yrs ago, 3 months after my boyfriend died. I shaved my head and it felt liberating. Clean. But ultimately, it was too much face! Plus, I’m 70 so I look like a bald old man! Now I have 7 wigs and I can make a cute look any time. I realized there are more important things to worry about. If you’re only 40, believe me, you are beautiful!

Margy September 15, 2018 at 2:00 pm

I am part of this silent struggle too… the worst part is that most women have such normal amount of hair and can’t understand why me. Anyway, this is the way it is and I have to cope with it. Sometimes I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t want people to see me. Fixing my hair is a monumental task…
anyway, I am not telling you anything you don’t know. Sorry, I had to vent…
I have used Rogaine for years and stoped using it because I think it makes my head very sensitive and I get a lot of headaches. I hope I don’t end up with with some other kind of problem because of Rogaine. I do think Rogaine slowed down, or stopped my hair loss. I have very little hair but it hasn’t changed in years. I also went through 3 grueling sessions of Plasma injections. I didnt see any difference, but my hairdresser says my hair feels thicker. I have not tried a wig yet. Where do I start? Where is the best place to get a good one? I would really appreciate any information that can help me. Thank you

Adriana September 18, 2018 at 2:27 pm

I’m 20, and I’ve been struggling with hair loss a little over a year. It was caused by the birth control pill Lo Loestrin. I shaved my head last month, and it has liberated me. Shaving your head is the way to go, in my opinion.

CC October 13, 2018 at 4:32 pm

I am 49 and just started losing my hair this past April. At first it was just at the temples, now it’s thinned out everywhere, especially at the crown. My hair was always my crutch – it was very long, thick, and wavy. It was always the one feature I had that I was proud of. That I would now be losing it has been devastating. The timing is terrible too because I am newly divorced and trying to date. It still looks fine, only my hairdresser and I can tell right now, but I am terrified that I will lose more. I’ve tried Aldactone (my hair loss was attributed to excess DHEA), but it isn’t working – I keep losing hair! I’m so glad I found this site. I’m hoping I can get some more suggestions. Thanks! Xo

Maria October 25, 2018 at 4:39 am

Adriana, how long did you take the Lo Loestrin for? I am having the same reaction after switching from Yasmin to Lo Loestrin (by a stupid accident). I took it three weeks and on the fourth week, massive hair loss started… i switched back 6 weeks ago but the massive hair loss continues. Is it possible that i will lose all my hair from just taking three weeks of this pill!? Of course, I have PCOS also, which doesn’t help, and I am 49 years old. But I just can’t believe this will happen so suddenly! I’ve been to endocrinologists, dermatologists, obgyns, the general thinking seems to be the hair will come back but no one seems to be certain and fully knowledgeable… I’m still trying to fin someone who will understand this case!… I’m desperate.

Diana December 9, 2018 at 9:13 pm

Just want to thank you and share that it’s so brave to speak about and offer support to one another. It’s a challenge to accept what is and to see your loved ones hurting for you as well. Putting on a brave face is as hard and maybe harder than putting on a wig. You don’t want to be treated differently yet you look and feel so different. It’s a very awkward place to live. The greatest and most beautiful thing I’m experiencing is that I’m reminded by the people who knew my with hair (now without) that hair isn’t what makes you beautiful. It’s really cliche the things you’re forced to repeat to yourself when you see your reflection or feel the draft of cold air that’s not familiar. Of what I’m learning, it takes an exceptional woman to have no hair. Above that, it’s a level of beauty that cannot be accomplished or appreciated unless experienced firsthand. Whether by, loved one’s, co-worker’s or straight down to the grocery store. It’s a deeply grueling, lonley and humbling process no matter how many people surround you. If you’re fortunate enough to have total strangers give you a sense of normalcy or loved one’s, it matters. It was really nice to read through theses posts. It’s an epic evolution to say the least. Miss my hair but can wear my beloved baseball caps to the office…..always a silver lining. Thanks again and you’re all beautiful and strong women.
-xoxo

Naomi December 24, 2018 at 8:28 pm

I’m 67 and having been dealing with hair loss for 41 years now. I am so tired of it. I should have been wearing a wig for several years now, but I just can’t seem to do it. I would like to help in a lab researching this as an assistant to some brilliant scientist, to help others from losing as much hair as I have. Anyone out there know of any ongoing research? I live in Arizona.

On another note, I use Toppik occasionally. It improves the appearance a tad, and it makes your hair feel thicker and seems to last until you shampoo.It doesn’t look as good as a wig, but it’s something.

Elouise January 18, 2019 at 12:51 pm

I hope I can one day come to terms and accept my hair loss like so many of you. I’ve tried wigs but I don’t do well with heat and sweat a lot. So glad to find this site, I used to cry everyday and started reading your stories and they have helped. Thank you.
I started loosing my hair in my late 20s, I never thought it would happen to me since i always had a lot of hair. I married when I was 21 and my husbands family had thin hair but I never thought it would affect my child. I had a girl when I was 23 and I noticed her hair started to thin when she was about 13. I am now 50 and she is getting close to 30 and her hair is thinner than mine. I feel horrible and know what she is going through. I always wish if I could give her the hair a normal girl (or a ton of hair like all her cousins and aunts) I would give my life. I know that sounds crazy but all I can do is blame myself, if I would have known this would happen I would Never have had a child.

Tammy January 23, 2019 at 9:57 am

My hair loss gets worse each passing month. It’s been a slow process but it’s finally beginning to actually look thinner and my scalp is more visible. My loss started in my early twenties with no reason why. I have bought several hairpieces but have yet wore one. I know when I do people will know. My husband of 11 years don’t notice…. yet. I caught him flirting with a woman at Church several months back so now all I think about is that he will cheat on me if I loose my hair. I fell so alone with this.

Valerie February 1, 2019 at 2:50 pm

Hi, are you still doing prp injections and is your hair falling out bc you stopped or did it just stop working? I’m also wondering why you didn’t do prp with acell instead so you wouldn’t have to keep going back ever couple months? I got diagnose with AGA at 29 right before Christmas this year . I been experiencing tons of shedding for over a year and I feel like I have 50% of what I use to have . I started with rogaine foam 5% and the. Switch to formula 82m and so much easier hoping this helps but I also have an appointment for my prp + acell this Monday with Dr. Bauman. Which should last about 15 months. I’m praying and hoping this with help maintain what I have currently and help with my shedding. This has been so stressful and I’m scared of the future but I can now say I try to live in the moment and take it day by day now.

M April 5, 2019 at 12:06 pm

Hi Y,

I’m wondering the same thing as Valerie – has the PRP helped maintain your hair or have you given up on it?

Karen April 26, 2019 at 9:22 am

Hi I’m Karen,
Completely new to this -started losing my hair and extreme thinning throughout only a few months ago-a lot of stress with my dad with cancer and my mom with dementia. I was just dx’d with Androgenetic Alopecia. Of course on supplements/vitamins/organic stuff, but now told I should try Rogaine before I lose the possibility of saving any of my hair. Has anyone tried this ? Trying to be hopeful

Evan May 13, 2019 at 7:55 pm

I AM IN SHOCK!!!!!

I AM SITTING IN LOS ANGELES, I AM 35, BLONDE AND MY HAIR IS THIN AND CURLY TO BEGIN WITH.

I HAVE FINALLY REACHED MY LIMIT. my struggle with my hair (and waves of bad skin) has caused me such emotional pain and dis-regulation that it has run my life, ruined my relationships, and caused me to feel insane.

i have been to all of the doctors and tests mentioned, in fact my dad is a doctor, and believes I have body dysmorphia and chose vanity over sanity. This is not the case, I believe that the amount of stress the hair and preparation causes me to feel so overwhelmed and ashamed. My self esteem and my authentic self and creative spirit have been altered. My friends and family dont understand and I am often met with the idea that it is my perspective that is the problem.

Its impossible . It even got me sent to a psychiatric ward by saying i didnt want to live like this! Now I am desperate and will do anything- even to just vent and try to not panic and cause so much more suffering.

I have been afraid of a wig. ashamed and have times where I feel dread- and have anticipatory anxiety about going out. When I do I wear hats.

I do not have bald spots- but I have a weird unruly breaking and changing texture that is unmanageable and have has significant hair thinning that has gotten worse to a point where I cry almost everyday.

I would love any support suggestions therapies, or even how to transition or what it is like to decide to be ( free) by wearing a wig- I cant even imagine what it feels like to have hair that doesnt make me feel sick and gross.

I am soo soo grateful I read this story. I feel so so alone and scared

Vikki May 25, 2019 at 12:17 pm

I can relate so much to this. Hairloss has devastated my life. I’m now nearly 42 and have a very very similar experience. It started when I was around 35. It was Subtle differences at first (that part where everybody keeps on telling you that you’re a neurotic and it’s all in your head – isolating more and making you feel desperate and powerless) then it progressed and picked up pace bringing me to where I am now. My fringe (bangs) is no longer there because my hair thinned so badly in the front – I had to grow it all out to help create a hairline which I shaped with toppik. Then the hair I had got thinner and thinner. It never fell out …. just kept getting thinner . I fought it off with toppik and minoxidil and spiro and all sorts of vitamins and potions. Yasmin pill helped for a while. Then … I took a break from Yasmin …and 8 weeks into that break .. TE kicked in. So on to top of what I already know is AGA, I have TE and my temporal lobes and hairline have been insidiously moving back away from my face . I can do nothing now except keep it long ( the strands are like cobwebs) and plait it , in a ponytail thru the back of a baseball cap. I have severe depression. I have no boyfriend. I have not been able to hold down a job – ( I did my degree in my mid thirties and most of that time I was distracted by my hairloss) I don’t go out anymore, unless I’m in a cap. I seem to exist , getting thru each day the best I can. I’m naturally glamorous and used to have lovely thick shiny dark hair. Now all I have is long fluff which is still falling out. New growth is visible but it is feeble and very very light coloured. I can’t wear 3/4 Hairpieces anymore. Can’t wear a pony tail or a bun. Would rather die than be seen with short hair as I don’t have the face shape or the hairline – and even if I did … short hair would look worse on me as it’s so feeble and wispy . I have no money for real hair lace fronts and I wonder how I will keep one on ?? Seeing as all of my own hair is falling out and I don’t want to take my wig off at bedtime??? I want to feel like myself again. This has consumed me long enough. Like the OP…. I have arrived at a new phase in my hair loss journey: the phase of running out of options . If one more person tells me I’ll still be beautiful with or without my hair – however well-meaning , I’m not sure I’ll hold it together . If one more person tells me I’m lucky I don’t have cancer , I’m not sure I’ll hold it together . This awful problem is incredibly debilitating for women and girls . Our hair is functional. I have not been able to go to a hair salon since 2012 – because even then, the back of my hair was hollow and needed leaving alone . 7 years of tears and researching and sobbing and having mental breakdowns… I cannot do this anymore. This is now the fork in the road . I try to remind myself that I’m incredibly lucky that I still have coverage- and I have my health. Life is a gift. I was lucky to not have to deal with this mental torture until I was past 35. Some people deal with it from a much younger age and that is incredibly unfair. I have know for a long time this day would come . I think I just sped it up by going off the pill (Yasmin) and jumping back on it . I have seen endocrinologists, trichologists and doctors galore . I have modified every aspect of my life to work around my hair loss and I’m ready now to face the next stage . I’m due to have a scalp biopsy soon to confirm what I already know….this will no doubt silence the people who have ignored my tears or labelled me as a fool JUST because I became very good at masking the problem . I’m not really looking forward to my 42nd birthday as I don’t have enough hair to do much with and I know I won’t have a wig by then . I have done my absolute best trying to battle this and there is nothing more I can try. If you are reading this and have noticed your hair thinning , please do not listen to people who tell you you are crazy . Don’t go to a GP … go to a trichologist , get your bloods looked at , check your OCP has a low androgen index ( don’t take microgynon for example !) TRY minoxidil- it helped me for a good couple of years, attack the problem at the root cause…don’t consult people who have no idea what they’re doing , seek comfort in those who believe and understand you …lots of people in popular culture are wearing wigs. I see people in wigs every day . It’s HAVING to wear a wig that’s the only difference between a hairloss sufferer and Beyoncé ! The world can be a cruel place when you’re dealing with hairloss …. everybody else seems to have great hair and even standing in the queue at the supermarket is torture – as you stand , neatly always , behind somebody who probably couldn’t care less about their hair but has so much of it you want to drop your shopping and run off! But – if you can get through this – you really can get through anything. If you’re thinking you’ll never be happy again, or feeling depressed tell yourself – I’ve got this. I can own it. I can look fantastic again…wigs are not taboo or funny – I just have to cope with the transition. Accepting what we cannot change and doing the best we can with what we’ve got is the only way to swim forward . We are too good to sink . This is happening to so many women right now – you’re not alone . I can actually say that once I have come thru this awful phase – I will feel a massive sense of relief . No more watching and waiting and obsessing and researching . Just me in a wig. I can change colour and style and have it thicker of curly or black or brown ….and I’ll be able to feel like the old me again. I’m not battling it anymore . The new phase is here . I’m not saying it is going to be easy … but…it’s better for me to take control rather than have it control me. I’m now being referred to a psychologist for therapy as this has deeply affected my mental well-being… but I know this has to pass..there has to be another side to this . I’m 42. I am not prepared to waste anymore time hiding on my own xxxx my heart goes out to everyone suffering with this awful problem. Be strong and don’t let this ruin your life. You deserve to be happy xxx

Bernadette June 24, 2019 at 4:06 pm

Hi,
I’m glad to have found your website. I have been suffering from hair loss since 2004, its been a real challenge. I’ve done it all, the topical solutions, to the steroid injections to the wigs, then the hair matrix from the Hair Club. Now today was my 3rd placebo injections, I’m hoping they work. If not, I have my wigs, I have come to the conclusion, after all the screaming in my head, I’m not going to let my hair define me.

Beverly August 7, 2019 at 6:28 am

I have been struggling with hairloss for 3 years. I have tried everything. Most recently I did prp injections. I had 2 treatments one month apart. Since then the shedding/loss has increased dramatically. I was diagnosed with AGA and my loss is more male pattern than female pattern. I have a receding hairline, balding temples and thinning at the vertex. Since the injections the loss is all over. Up until now I’ve been able to disguise with strategic styling methods but now the loss of volume has made that almost impossible. I have a couple of toppers I haven’t worn yet. I recently got a short cut hoping it would help my hair look thicker to no avail. I am going to have my toppers cut to go with what is left. I have worn the toppers around the house to see if I could get used to them and pretty consistently I get a headache within an hour. It’s helpful to hear the stories of others as I feel very alone with this. My boyfriend is tired of me being upset by this. I just want to find a way to be comfortable with myself:/

Pamela September 2, 2019 at 8:48 am

My story is similar to all of yours and I’m glad I found this website. I’m 63 & my thick hair started falling out at 17 yrs. old after I had mono. Then again at 20. It was ok till early 30’s but each year after I would shed starting in May which lasted until Oct. Each year it got thinner until 2013 I had another major loss for no reason. Again in 2016 and in 2017 but this time it didn’t stop so here I am 99% bald. I want to just shave the rest but can’t bring myself to do it. I have a wig but haven’t worn it yet. My husband just divorced me. I go out shopping but since I feel like a freak that’s about it. I’m grateful I had hair most of my life but now it’s hard to accept.

Judy October 20, 2019 at 5:48 am

Vikki, My hairloss started about 2 and a half years ago. Everybody thought I was being neurotic, too. My hair was getting thinner on my sides and my whole hair felt so much thinner. I had a scalp biopsy and was diagnosed with androgenic alopecia and I am so devastated just like you.
I have been to numerous doctors. I tried minoxidil, a laser comb, spironolactone, and PRP injections. It has been 2 years on minoxidil, a year on spironolactone and a year for PRP. None of these things has worked for me at all. My hair just gets thinner and thinner. There is hardly any hair left underneath my sides and I have hardly any crown left. I had such thick hair. My hairdresser would say it is not fair that you have so much hair. Just like yours, my hair never fell out. It just got thinner and thinner, it just disappears. I have cried every day, I hate mirrors, when I see people that I know, I try to avoid them and run the other way. I have nightmares about losing my hair. I feel I can never be happy again. I, too, can’t stand to behind someone with great hair hair. I think I am obsessed with everyone’s hair. That is all I see. Right now, it is becoming noticeable. So much thinner. I feel I do not look like myself anymore. I know it is only going to get worse. I can’t stand it anymore. It is torture not knowing what your hair is going to look like in a week or in a month. How much will I lose today or tomorrow. I just hope I can get passed this like you. You certainly sound like you are doing it now. I admire you so much. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It seems so much like mine and I don’t feel so alone. I can only wish the best for you from the bottom of my heart.

Leave a Comment

Join the Women's Hair Loss Project Network to meet other women
with hair loss. Share your thoughts, comment, rant, rave, laugh, cry...communicate. Click To Join
Just Launched - Join the NEW Forum for The Women's Hair Loss Project. If you are already an existing member of the Network then you already have an account set up and will need to use the Reset Password link to enable your forum account. Click To Join

Previous post: