As I write this I can barely see the screen becaue I am flooded with saddness. I rarely surf the internet anymore for help with women’s hair loss because I found that whatever I would find would only made me feel worse about myself, since I always ended up in the same place I started, only more confused. I don’t know what possessed me today to start poking around some old forums I used to visit frequently… I wish I hadn’t. I remember why I stopped going. I found a story of a woman who made the decision to stop taking her birth control pills and just ride out whatever shedding would ensue, and she said after two years her hair came back. (If you are confused about what I’m talking about read my hair loss story here) I always regretted getting back on the pill as part of my hair loss treatment, I always wondered if I left everything alone 8 years ago I would be back to normal today. I am so trapped, I can’t make that decision because I don’t have enough hair to withstand the enormous shedding that could happen from stopping taking a pill, I’m already shedding so much. I’ve been taking the pill forever, I’m certain my body as forgotten how to actually produce my own hormones since I’m been taking synthetic for so long. I made the decisions I thought were the best for me at the time, I regret alot. I guess if I could go back in time I would leave everything alone and see if my body would just recover on it’s own. Maybe it wouldn’t maybe I would be where I am today 5 years ago, I guess I’ll never know and that is what tortures me. I haven’t even had kids, how can I have kids being on the pill… obviously I can’t, I would have to get off them. How can I do that knowing what could possibly happen. All this eats away at me and I think about constantly, I try to push the thoughts behind me but all at once I’m flooded all over again.