The title may seem to be surprising.. but, actually, when analyzed accurately.. it is not. I have been an AGA sufferer for a few years now. and I AM SICK OF THIS SITUACION. What I want now is only “to have this situation solved one way or another. Either grow back or fall out completely. So that I can resolve it and move forward.” Based on my prior experience I know that grow back is impossible. You may say I gave up. Yes, I did. Because there is no point trying to fight with anenemy you don’t understand and one you are blind and deaf against. You will only go through better and worse times, being moody so that people around will not stand you anymore. Curing uncurable puts you in a perpetual state of false hope. You neither have decent hair nor a good replacement; You’re betwixt and between.I have had enough. Finished medical treatment and wait for so little hair to shave it off. Be beautiful for myself when totally bald. I can accept it. And being beautiful to people around who have no idea, when wearing the best available vacuum wig. Just hard times for me when the final hair loss comes. Wish me strength. I hope I manage.”I am literally a shell of my old self and I am quite frightened. Sometimes I just want to shave my head and get a full best quality undetectable wig so I don’t have to see anymore hair in the shower drain, sink, bathroom floor, back of my shirt, etc. I don’t want to have a partial replacement system on a clip, as it is just inconvenient.I don’t want to have a partial replacement system based on adhesives as I would never accept my looks with severe typical men’s baldness. I want to shave my head and become beautiful again. And I will.Nobody can understand me. But I do not care. This is only my life and my best times (I am 24)
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Dear Gosia,
Thank you so much for writing your story. Your thoughts are my thoughts. Your feelings are my feelings. On more occasions than I can count I have wished for there to be some finality to this never ending hair loss nightmare. Some closure…anything. I’ve felt the torture, the decline and slow death of my self esteem tear away minute by minute, day by day and year after year. You reach a point where you throw your hands up in the air and say “if I’m going to be bald then fine let it happen all now and let me get on with my life, because this strand by strand thing is eating me alive.” [click to continue…]
634 women have voted in the poll, “How Old Were You When Your Hair Loss First Started?” What may seem surprising to many, but not myself is that the highest number of votes are currently for the 15-20 age range with 133 votes. Second highest votes are for the are range 20-25, with 126 votes. But as you study the rest of the results you’ll see that the only conclusion that can be drawn is that hair loss strikes at any age, hardly discriminating. Here are the full results as they stand now:
15-20 (21% 133 Votes)
20-25 (20% 126 Votes)
40-50 (17% 110 Votes)
30-35 (16% 103 Votes)
25-30 (15% 95 Votes)
50-60 (8% 51 Votes)
60+ (3% 16 Votes)
I’m going to keep this poll running until it hits 1000 votes. I think it is very telling that we aren’t alone in this no matter what age we are. If you haven’t voted yet, you can find the poll on the right side bar, you may have to scroll down a little to see it. My vote, age 21.
by Y on December 28, 2007
Hi everyone, holidays are so busy… So many people to see so much stuff to do. I hope everyone has been enjoying themselves.
I have to tell you, I found the world’s best ponytail holder. I was having so many problems with all my current hair ties because nothing would hold my thin hair in a ponytail, all the hair ties would slip off and be a constant reminder of my hair loss. Every time I go to the grocery store I’m always looking in the ponytail hair tie section to see if I find anything, and I did!! It is made by “Goody” and called “Stay Put Hold” There is also one called “Slip Proof Hold” which is very similar. That hair tie gives a super tight grip to the hair and I can finally wear a ponytail comfortably without the band constantly falling out. It’s got a rubber feel with treads on it which keep it in place. This is a definite must have for anyone with thin hair, I bought 15 packs, and I’m certainly going to buy a bunch more. I found it about a week ago and kept meaning to write about it, but the holidays had me running around.
Looking forward to the new New Year, one thats filled with less depression, more happiness, more self acceptance and of course more hair 🙂 I have lots to write about and have received many emails from from so many women with personal hair loss stories which I will be putting up. I apologize for not writing as frequently as I usually do, I’ve been so busy with work and the holiday season.
Cheers to the New Year.
by Y on December 14, 2007
Today is a struggle and yesterday was too. I was trying to leave the house yesterday, my fiance waiting by the door and I was upstairs struggling to make my hair look normal. It seems normal is no longer an option for me, and hasn’t been for quite some time. But yesterday I noticed that my V shaped deeply recessed temporal region had gotten worse. The recession is so deep it just about spans my whole side of my head to the back, it looks awful and is impossible to cover up. So there I was upstairs in front of the mirror, trying to re-tie my ponytail a million times, each one ever so slightly different… lower, higher, much lower… this hair over that one, clip here, clip there etc etc. I felt so defeated, I eventually gave up on trying to cover the deep V recession, lowered my head and headed out the door. That sort of sent me into a depressed like state which I unfortunately awoke with. But what are my options?… I can go back to bed and pull the covers over my head, but that would get old and quite boring after a hour or so, or I can just move on as I always do. I am much better at dealing with these “down” times than I was years ago. It seems hair loss has caused forced me to develop much better coping skills, so I guess that is a plus.
But I’m doing alright. I drank some coffee, took the dog for a walk and decided to write a post about this. I am incredibly good at finding hope when it seems there is none left, but I think that if “hope’ was for sale I’d have to purchase just a little to get me by today 🙂 Hope is what keeps me going. I don’t just hope for my hair loss to stop, but I hope that I get stronger and more accepting of myself despite the amount of hairs on my head. I hope that I truly realize and understand that I am more than my hair, and I hope that all this happens before I am a very old woman. So I will look forward and I will get on with my day, because I have no other choice, life is waiting at the door, and I best go answer it before it passes me by.
Awhile back I was talking with my fiance about what I would be willing to give up or do to get my hair back, if only a genie would come along my way and grant me this twisted exchange. Just my own silly thoughts and I’m curious to know yours.
- I’d run 20 miles every morning at 3:00am
- I’d would give up my pinky toes for the return of my hair, do we really NEED those?
- I’d accept some skin pigment ailment on my legs, I’ve always preferred pants anyways.
- I’d agree to dye my “new hair” pink for the rest of my life.
- I’d run 2 of the 20 miles I was suppose to run completely nude 🙂 okay maybe not everyday but for one day I could definitely make it happen. Although I’d probably be arrested, I’d have my hair back, yes!
All this is in jest and in fun, but really there is a lot I’d be willing to give up, swap or exchange or do to get my hair back. What about you?
So yesterday was suppose to be a nice relaxing Sunday. I had the day planned with my mom, we were going to go to the spa in the morning, have lunch and do some shopping. Well for my spa treatment I chose a massage. I told the massage therapist I didn’t like having my head rubbed, I don’t go into any explanation or anything, I just leave it at that. I think everyone can pretty much understand why I wouldn’t want my scalp massaged, I don’t even like touching my own head, I just tie in a pony tail and leave it there till I wash it.
So there we are, I’m feeling relaxed enjoying my massage and we are nearing the end when the therapist tells me he had another woman who told him she didn’t like her head touched either because she had a bad experience where her hair was pulled. He says, “I think it is because your hair is so very fine that you don’t like your head to be rubbed, it’s probably more sensitive.” UHHHHH. I felt so awful after that. Someone should have snapped a picture of my face because words can’t describe the utter shock and horror I felt. I don’t think he meant to be cruel and MAYBE he was saying fine as in naturally baby fine hair, but it hurt like crazy. Really put a damper on my morning. I tried to push past and just enjoy my Sunday with my mom, and I did, but I kept staring at my hair in the rear view mirror of the car, his words echoing in my head. It’s not often you actually get told to your face how thin your hair is **Sigh. I know it, I know it’s thin, but I don’t my reality being told and thrown at me by complete strangers, I have a mirror for that. Tell me I’m fat, tell me I’m short, tell me I’m too skinny, tell me you hate my clothes, but whatever you do please don’t tell me my hair is thin!
by Y on November 11, 2007
I was at the mall yesterday with my fiance and he pointed out a young girl that was working at a mall kiosk. She was very young, definitely still in high school, and she had severe female pattern hair loss. It appeared she had put some extensions in as well which were quite apparent due to the extreme thinning. She was interacting normally and didn’t really seem shy. I was thinking how hard it must be for her, to go to high school and work in a mall with a lot of young people and have to be going through something like hair loss. It was very hard on me to begin to lose my hair at a 21,but I can’t even imagine how hard it is to have to go through it while still in high school. Everyday I see so many women losing their hair, some are young girls and some are older. I’ll never forget a librarian I met back when I was 21 and in the infancy of my hair loss. I was of course at the library researching hair loss to try and help myself. She was sitting at a desk and I went up to ask her a question. Her part was so very thin and wide and I thought to myself “Oh my god, thank god my hair loss isn’t so bad,” but I was also worried I would be in her shoes very soon. From that point on I began to compare my hair loss to everyone around me. Her’s isn’t as bad as mine… mine isn’t as bad as hers etc etc. Sadly my answers are more toward the first statement nowadays. This was just recent though, mainly the last couple years. Before that, even though I was losing so much hair and suffering inside I was still able to fake it to the world. But I didn’t enjoy what I had along the way for that day, how could I when it continually fell out?
I look back and I wish I hadn’t missed out on so much because of my hair loss. The few people I had told about it along the way were always surprised to hear I even had hair loss. They didn’t know me before and know the thick thick hair I once had. My hair is so much thinner now, but I try and not let it get in my way anymore. After all, I’ve missed out on so much already. I’ll be 30 next year and realize I missed out on my entire 20’s. So why am I writing this? I want the women who are just losing their hair to know a couple things.
Hair loss is a journey. For some it is short and they luckily recover quickly, for others such as myself, we have to realize we have a long road ahead of us. The right side of the road is paved with sadness the left with happiness and in the middle there is acceptance. I spent 8 years walking on the right, always depressed, and never realizing I could move to the other side. I would try and get toward the middle but there always a strong force pulling me back. I am happy to report that more and more I stay to the middle of the road walking on acceptance and sometimes even making it along the border of happiness. Oddly enough this epiphany happened when I was at the thinnest stage of my hair loss. I don’t want other women to miss out on their lives. I know from the depths of my heart how hard and devastating hair loss is. I live it everyday. But at some point we have to appreciate what we have for that day and just do the best be can with what we have.
I still get sad about my hair loss and have my low days, I still run past mirrors to avoid looking at myself. [click to continue…]
As I got up today I was pondering at what point do I let go of the thoughts that I need my hair. I certainly don’t need it to live. If I was stuck on a deserted island I wouldn’t mind one bit if I had my hair. But unfortunately by nature people seem to be incredibly judgmental, so the fact that at I live in a populated society in contrast to the solitary island, my mind convinces me that without my hair I am somewhat less than.
Less than… Less than… Less than what? Less than a woman with hair? Sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud or write it down. Who I am, and all my qualities certainly amount to more than the sum of follicles attached to my scalp. And I know in my heart, I am not my hair. We all have our challenges to face in life, and this, in this moment, is mine. I can either submit to defeat or accept myself. I choose to accept myself, however hard it is each time I look in the mirror. But I get stronger all the time, and I know I will get though this and be a better person for it.
When I first started losing my hair 8 years ago, I used to pray and pray that I would recover completely from whatever ailment or messed up hormone was causing me to lose my hair and that it would all grow back. As the years went by my attitude changed and I started pray that I could just keep what I had and have it stop falling out. More years past, and I started pray that I could be given strength to mentally deal with my hair loss and move on. That is where I am today. Oh course I want my hair back, I always keep hope that things may turn around, but ultimately I really want to learn how to accept myself as I am, today.
At what point do we let go? For me, its been quite sometime that I’ve been working on letting go and accepting myself more and more. I never thought that I could have endured all the hair loss and pain and loss of self, that accompanies it. But I have, and I do. And I still have plenty of happy, smiling, laughing moments even with the the thin wisps of hair that I have left. Those moments remind me that I will be okay.
