It’s Okay To Just Be… You

by Y on October 16, 2023

My whole life, I’ve been told to “smile.” Smile more. You’ll be prettier if you smile. It always made me feel bad, because this was my face naturally, how it wanted to be, how it rested. But it felt not enough.  like how I look when I’m not smiling. Pensive. I am a pensive person, that’s much different than sad. 

People assume all sorts of things in life, they assume if you aren’t grinning from ear to ear, or you face isn’t naturally resting in a smile, that something is wrong. 

They assume if you are grinning ear to ear, your life is grand. Neither is necessarily true, or both are true. 

Assumptions in hair loss. You have a wig, well you should be fine, what are you upset about? Other than the loss of our actual hair you mean? Throwing on a wig was life changing, it didn’t solve having to work to accept my evolving look as my hair thinned over the years, the knowing it was final. 

Assumptions in shaving your head, oh you shaved your head. Looks like tons of hair you can grow out and be just fine. So, that’s why I must have shaved it and waited 24 years, and only until I was stricken by a second hair loss and then was tormented for months not being able to do it. 

Assumptions of having shaved your head. You did it ! You’re free !  I’m free of having to see my hair fall, I’m free of having to agonize over shaving my head for the FIRST time. 

I am a woman with 24 years of hair loss, not one but two types, needing to shave my head for my sanity, yet not being able to shave my head to the degree I would like to feel my best IN MY shave due to folliculitis continuing. Free, Is not the word here, survival is. 

A sustained desire to not lose any more of my life to hair loss, that’s true. 

Adjusting, evolving, living… being pretty frickin proud of myself, these are true, but Never assume to know what some is dealing with, a smile or lack of, tells nothing, so many people post behind smiles of pain. 

It’s okay to just be… you 

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