I’ve Travelled So Far, Yet Find Myself Trapped… Again. Gee Thanks Hair Loss!

by admin on October 8, 2008

I wish this post would be something more uplifting, but that isn’t the way hair loss always works is it? I sit here during my ninth year of hair loss all puffy from the crying spree/ meltdown I’ve just endured. Why today, why now? For the most part I have really accepted my hair loss and the thinness of my hair. But I guess the pain, sadness and frustration still floats close to the surface even though I usually keep it under wraps pretty well.

So what the heck happened?

It’s been over a year since I’ve been in for my annual hair cut. My hair is way too long for the thinness that my hair currently has. I can’t go back to the salon, my hair is too thin and I would be way too self conscious. I previously confided my hair loss to my hair stylist and she was understanding and careful not to tug on my hair and also let me comb it out after it was wet. But that was over a year ago and I’m even too embarrassed to have her cut my hair in my home. On a previous visit she had told me she could do that for me, which I thought would be great, until now. Here I am, stuck, helpless and tired.

Who can just cut my hair? I need a stylist who has hair loss, who is sensitive to the issue and who lives in Los Angeles and who can come over to my house, OR a stylist who works for a salon that has private rooms. I was recommended a local place by a friend in the network (Thank you Lisa)  but it is a hair replacement salon, and I am afraid that after they get a gander at how thin my hair is that they will want to push me toward that direction of adding hair to my own,  and I’m not mentally ready for that yet. I just want a haircut, why can’t I get a haircut?

Why am I so messed up over this issue? So this kicks off my frustration and gets me going and crying. Then I’m crying because of the fact that my hair dries in approximately 2 seconds after stepping out of the shower. Then I’m crying because now I’m REALLY studying my hair and examining the straggly separated thin pieces that fall from head.  Then I’m crying because I feel like I am just a sitting duck, waiting for the last strand of hair to fall from my head, and I curse myself for not being stronger and just shaving my head and being done with it already. And then I’m crying because… I’m crying, and I feel I should be past this emotionally. I feel I should be stronger.  It was a whole friggin mess. What can I say. I just want a hair cut.

Okay thats the end of my depressing day. So in closing if you know of a salon in or around Los Angeles that has private rooms with hair stylists who have hair loss and understand it, or they are mobile, hit me up!! Ha.  Who knows, maybe I’ll find one. Send those emails to ineedmyhaircutsobadlyhelphelphelp@womenshairlossproject.com  I’m just kidding. Don’t email there, it won’t go anywhere, if you want to write me, email: women@womenshairlossproject.com

~Y

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

jann October 8, 2008 at 6:17 pm

I’m so sorry. Nobody knows the hell somebody goes through with this problems unless it affects them. I’m like you. When massive hairloss started happening, I was so stunned. I can’t go to a hairdresser. So now I leave my hair shoulder length and cut my own bangs. And when I get it cut, which isn’t often enough because it’s so embarassing, I go into one of those Hair Cuttery type places and walk in when I see nobody is in there and ask for a dry cut. She wets the ends and does a blunt cut. I would be too humiliate for someone to wash my hair and see how so little is there. I have not colored my hair in almost a year. I guess I will have to start doing that at home at some point. Sometimes I put off going in because it’s embarassing, but like now it’s been four months and my hair is too long and straggly, so I have to push myself to go, but I always feel better afterwards because it’s feels healthier and not so sscraggly. Godbless you. P.S. I’m on everything in the world for hair loss, but on top I used Rogaine and it’s actually helped. Last December it was like one day I was in the mall and I could see my scalp. Now, that’s not the case. Still noticeable in front but not as bad. If that hadn’t happened and helped, to me my life was meaningless.

jann October 8, 2008 at 6:19 pm

Excuse my typos in above post. I was typing fast and forgot to proofread.

admin October 8, 2008 at 6:52 pm

Dear Jann,

Thank you for responding to my blog. It can be so tough at times, can’t it? Such a simple act of getting our hair cut is all of a sudden a cause for major anxiety, panic, stress and in my case all out crying today. I’m going to try with all my might to just grin and bare it and make that call to my hair dresser tomorrow. No matter how torturous it would be or how embarrassing, I know she will leave and I will feel soo much better. I just have to cause myself a little discomfort to get there. Way early on in my hair loss I use to do the dry cuts at super cuts, just straight across the bottom trim. My hair dresser I’ve been using the last 3 years, once every year, really gave me a great cut that hid a lot of my hair loss and made it fuller by cutting the hair shoulder length, slightly shorter actually. Hopefully I get up the nerve to call her.

Thanks again for commenting.

All The Best,
~Y

rachaeljean1 October 8, 2008 at 7:34 pm

Hi Y. So sorry that you are suffering like this. Hairloss sucks. Even though mine has stopped falling out, it is still thin in places so I do not like the idea of going to the hairdresser. I have my husband cut it with good shears and let it go at that. This is the new me. Someone said that on this blog and I like it and use it often, LOL.

Try to think of other things Y. I know that it is hard to forget that you have hairloss, you can’t really, but we can get lost in self grief if we let ourselves. Perhaps do some volunteer work with children with cancer or work on the Oboma or Mc Cain campaine while wearing a hat. (I wear an added hair peice tie to my ponytail and looks like volumes of hair that I got for 3.00 at the stop and go). We have to also count our blessings. These are things that make us grateful to be alive in this country like thank God we are not in Iraq and a victim of war. We would wish our only problem would be hairloss.

Hang in there Y. You are too beautiful a person to beat yourself up over hair loss. You offer and have so much to offer to everyone. Keep your chin up dear one. You can’t obsess on your scalp if you can’t see it. LOL I am not making light of any of these feelings that you are having. I understand as all of us do, all too well. Hugs and love Rachaeljean1

Kimberly October 9, 2008 at 6:41 am

Y,

You are so brave to write about your struggle to get a haircut. I too am due for one. My last one was very traumatic, on my birthday. I had the stylist dye my hair back to natural (was bleached out blonde) so I could stop dying it. Perhaps a mistake, my hair loss is now more noticeable with the dark brown color. The fellow was very rough with my head even though I told him I had a problem with thinning hair. I think your best best it to call the stylist who used to cut your hair who offered to cut it in your home. At least then you are dealing with someone who you are familiar with. I wish you peace for today. Hugs ~ Kimberly

BethS. October 9, 2008 at 7:36 am

Y-
I am 5o years old and have been suffering with hereditary hair loss since I was 20. All I can tell you is it does get better — not the hair loss, but your response to it. Over the years I have gone from suicidal to despondent to sad but accepting, but the self-conscious thing never seems to go away. The things that have helped me the most are regular visits to a hair stylist and using Toppik to cover up my see-through areas. (This product has been a better solution for me than all the other things I have tried – hair addition, a wig (never wear it) and even a hair transplant). There are still things like swimming, that I won’t do in public, but in 99% of situations it has been a godsend.

Do not avoid visiting a hair salon, as getting your remaining hair cut and colored regularly will help you look better as avoidance will not. I am sure that every hairstylist has seen many female clients with hairloss and will not be “shocked” so I would not be the slightest bit embarrased. I usually tell the new stylist that I have a hair loss problem before I come in. This helps to alleviate my anxiety and I have always been treated sympathetically. If it is the other patrons you are embarrased about, perhaps you can find a stylist who works out of the home. Just by chance, I recently met such a person in one of my classes and now I go to her house for color and cuts. It saves me a TON of money. People who don’t have a salon, don’t need to charge a great deal of money for their services. After I get my blow out, I spray my hair with Toppik and I feel like a million bucks.

I don’t know how old you are, and I won’t pretend that aging doesn’t suck, but the best thing about it, is as you age, and especially as you see your friends go through serious illness and other issues, you will find that you become more accepting and less critical about yourself.

Wish I could offer you more ….now go out and get a great new haircut!
Regards,
Beth

admin October 9, 2008 at 11:42 am

Dear Rachel, Kimberly & Beth:

Update – So today I feel better. I gathered up enough courage to make the call to my hair dresser’s salon this morning. I briefly spoke with her (she was in a pinch for time) but she gave me her cell number and told me I can call her on Sunday to set up an appointment for Monday. So that is that. I am not looking forward to it, but am so thankful she is willing to come to my home. I know I will feel sooo much better after wards. I always do. I put off getting the cut and then I feel wonderful when the deed is done.

Rachel: Thank you for your wonderful uplifting suggestions, kind words and for your understanding, you are always there for me and I appreciate it dearly.

Kimberly: I did make the call :) I felt of everyone she would be the person who I would still feel most comfortable with. She is the only person who has cut my hair since 2005 and she already knows about my hair loss. Thank you for your reply to my post and for relating to my distressing haircut drama. Hugs to you too !

Beth: I can definitely already see that it does get easier. I tell that to women all the time too :) It’s the truth. I’m in my ninth year of hair loss, I started losing my hair at 21. I am 30 years old now. Even three and four years into my hair loss I still had a lot of hair but I suffered so much more emotionally than I do now with so much LESS hair. I even make jokes about my own hair loss and post silly pictures in the network of my shedding. Most of the time, I think, well it is what it is… might as well laugh. So I know our coping skills and acceptance greatly enhance with time. For the most part I really do just live my life, I wash it, grab the hair that falls, flush it and get going with the rest of my day. Done. But still there are days like yesterday that smack me across the face, shake me and say ” You CAN’T RUN Y, YOU HAVE HAIR LOSS” That’s what those moments feel like, seriously. And all for what, a hair cut?? *sigh*

You guys have already offered me so much. Your words, your hearts and just being there for me means the world to me. Thank You.

XOXO,
Y

Dana October 15, 2008 at 12:02 pm

I am where you are (or were) when you wrote this. My hair is too thin and too long. Everytime I see a hair cutting place I try and push myself to go in. I’m hoping that I see one at a time where I feel calm enough to take the plunge. All i need is just to cut it a little shorter. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to take the scissors and just go snip.

Carol October 16, 2008 at 12:41 pm

Just do it! I cut my own cos hairdressers just don’t get it. I have curls though so doesn’t make so much difference if I don’t get it totally even. Considering trying to find a hairdresser that will visit my house – really don’t want to go into a salon and have everyone staring (and then get charged a fortune for something that takes 10 minutes.

Kimberly October 19, 2008 at 7:04 pm

Y, congrats on making the call, that takes bravery. I hope the hair cut episode went ok? I haven’t been on the site in a few days due to my sister and 5 month old niece being in town.

Have something to add, perhaps should be a blog somewhere but just thought to share it. Yesterday I worked and attended a No New Coal rally here in town. My partner on the set up crew was a young woman I had never met before that’s a recent college graduate. I worked with her for about 30 minutes before I noticed she only had one hand. She was a beautiful young lady inside and out. I don’t know her story but I can tell you she doesn’t act any different than people with two hands. Her courage made me ashamed of how I obsess about my hair loss. Ladies we can redefine ourselves despite the change in our appearance, it starts with our state of mind. I’m determined to be more positive this week and to put the obsessive thoughts/actions in check.

Much love to all,

Kimberly

meemee March 5, 2009 at 3:42 pm

Y,
Its been a while since the last post but I am reading your post and can relate to it to its full extend! I have suffered from hair thinning for 10 years and had used toppik and anyway to make my hair feel fuller. I pin up my hair all the time and it worked for me in the last 10 years. I know how very hard it was for me to go to the salon each time I needed a hair cut and dye… I hight my hair to blond so my scalp is less visible since i have dark hair. But the good news was everytime I highlighted my hair and cut it… my hair looks and feel thicker! I go home and shake some toppik on and pin it up… I look like a regular person with no hair issue at all! I hide it pretty well.. I don’t think anyone has suggested I had see thru hair… they just wonder why I put up my hair all the time!
Well… after 10 years of that.. I was getting tired of putting up my hair… I decided to give hair system a try. This is hair system where you can pull your hair thru and they blended in with your existing hair. Its tight into your existing hair… and BOY … I was floored when I got it! I was ALWAYS against wearing anything close to a wig because I too am not emotionally ready! but I told myself this is more like an enhancement and if I don’t want it anymore I can just get it remove and go back to where I was… no pain! BUTTTT after 3 months of having more hair than I know what to do with ( trust me… it felt GOOD). The system was removed completely to be fully cleaned and rescure to my hair… and BOY was I in for a surprised! I had lost so much of my own hair!! I had a thin pony tail to begin with but NOW… I got NONE! I am still so devastated…… I had the system removed and made it to a clip since now Toppik doesn’t do the trick no more and neither does clipping up y hair! … I been crying… and still crying.. how can my hair turn from bad to worst! I been praying and I pray for all of us who are going thru this unbearable process. Its been 3 weeks since I took off my hair system… and its been 3 weeks of HELL. Emotionally I feel dead and I haven’t really been able to face anyone. When I do have to go out.. I clip on my hair.. which now feels like a wig which I full heartedly reject! I wear it and cry… so I pray that at least I can grow back the hair I had even though very thin but at least I can cover it with Toppik…. Now is thetime faith and hope need to kick in. I do believe in miracles from God… maybe God doesn’t want me to seek my own knowledge to resolve my hair loss issues…. instead He wants me to seek Him to do what is virtually impossible thru men but possible thru God.
Ladies, I am not going to stop hoping nor praying… or stop faith. I believe my God the almighty one above CAN and WILL HEAL ME! He will do things that are beyond our imaginations! I don’t know how nor do I know when… I just know He will make it come to pass!
Please let me share this bible verse with you: ” Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He whp promised is FAITHFUL”. Our Lord is faithful to His words. Please believe …… I hope one day I can give you guys a wonderful testimony … I know I will!

God bless!

Wanda March 5, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Meemee – I am with you, girl, on the prayer!! I believe there is a “key” for each and everyone of us that will unlock this “hair door” . . . and if we believe God will show us. God is not the source of our hair loss, so I KNOW HE WANTS WOMEN TO HAVE THEIR HAIR!! And He is greater than genetics . . . you always hear from someone that it is genetic, but again, I believe we can overcome “genetics” since it often times curses us. Best wishes and keep on praying!! I know we get down, down, down, but we have to keep on fighting the good fight of faith, don’t we?

SKLA November 14, 2009 at 10:20 am

Hi Y,

Did you ever find a salon in LA to cut your hair? What was the name of the hair restoration salon Lisa told you about? I just moved here and am looking for a place… thank you!!!

SKLA

admin November 17, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Hi SKLA –

Hi ended calling my hair dresser I had used previously and had her come to my house. It worked out great that way. I did a small write up about her on the forum:
http://forum.womenshairlossproject.com/showthread.php?t=93

The hair replacement place that Lisa told me about is called Lee Anthony:
http://www.leeanthony.com/

Lisa also did a post on the hair dresser she is using now in Orange County:
http://forum.womenshairlossproject.com/showthread.php?t=94

Hope that helps and Welcome to LA!

xoxo

Chrissy April 9, 2010 at 8:41 pm

This isn’t a new topic but after looking online for over an hour trying to find new treatments on the horizon I find myself in tears and back at this site which provides some consolation to me despite the fact that nothing, short of my hair growing back, will alleviate my sadness or stop me from crying uncontrollably at the moment. I completely relate to your hair salon issues. I won’t step foot in one and as a result I’ve resorted to flipping my measly hair forward to cut it myself, then flipping it up to attempt to even it out. There’s so little I don’t even think I need to do myself the injustice of going to a stylist. It’s not stylable in my opinion and looks gross. I just hate how my hair looks and I wanna cry more because if this is me at 28, what will my hair be at 38 or 48? Will I be totally bald? Plus my hair looks worse because I can’t blow dry it due to the fact I have stitches from the scalp biopsy I got on Monday, a biopsy that has caused so much fear in me as I await the results because I kinda don’t want to know if the loss is permanent. I don’t want to deal with that final nail in the coffin that oh yeah, it’s not coming back and you’re fine hair is now microscopically fine and falling out forever. It’s not just losing hair, because I feel like no one gets it, I feel like my life is over. I don’t have a boyfriend/husband, so who will date me or marry me when I’m a balding chick? I’m not trying to offend anyone else who is balding/bald/has thinning hair who does have someone in their lives, or hopes to someday, I just can say for me personally, I feel like my love life is over now and forever. And even getting extensions (which I’m afraid of because I heard they can rip hair out and I’m trying to retain what I have) or using Toppix or whatever, I don’t know if that’s the route I want to go because I don’t want to “lie” to a guy and then spring on him, hey, I’m losing my hair. I feel like that’d be unfair to do that, and then I actually think, God, maybe I shouldn’t ever attempt to have kids because what if I pass on whatever genes or illness or whatever is making me lose my hair? I just want to scream and kick someone, super hard, because it’s simply not fair. Sure, life’s not fair and things can always be worse, but I honestly have to say I’d rather lose a toe than have my hair gone. That’s not ideal, but I’d get over a missing toe. I’d give up half my liver to a transplant for my hair back. Sorry, I’m just depressed and needed to vent and I can’t talk to my family because they almost get mad at me for complaining, either because they must think it’s not that big of a deal, or they feel helpless seeing me so sad and don’t know what to say and rather I not talk about it or just accept it. I don’t think I can. I wish I could but I don’t know if I can. Thanks for your site, it’s been really helpful since I found it oh so long ago. Back to crying. :(

susy October 22, 2010 at 12:31 pm

I have enough hair to make a ponytail about an inch thick (my hair is coarse, so the hairs itself are thicker), but you can see balding at my crown when I am in the light, and my part is about half-an-inch wide. I totally understand Chrissy above, about tearing myself apart, wondering if men will want me because my hair is so thin. Every fashion magazine will tell you in their standard “What Guys Want” articles that hair is very important to men, it’s a sign of fertility. While 2/3 of my days are “good” days, where I can ignore that my hair is thin and more or less go about my life, the rest of days are where I can not seem to think of anything else, and I just can’t escape the sadness and the anger and the crippling self-consciousness. On my most depressed days I can’t help but think that I should just not have the expectation that I can ever be appealing to men again.

THIS IS NONSENSE.

I want to underscore to myself and every one of us who is feeling that way: WE CAN NOT ASSUME WE KNOW HOW WE ARE AND WILL BE PERCEIVED.

The truth is that there are other reasons why I am single (bad choices due to fluctuating self-esteem, for one), and that when I am down I simply fixate on my hair loss to the point where I lose sight of how much of what I think about myself is “truth”, and how much of it is me obsessing and torturing myself.

I have thin hair, yes, this is a fact; it is also a fact that I do still meet people who are attracted to me and ask me out. I recently had a boyfriend of six months, one who met me when my hair was very noticeably thin, so my thin hair couldn’t have been a huge factor for him if he asked me out. So why did I then immediately assume, when he eventually broke up with me, that it was my hair that was to blame? That is just plain illogical thinking, and I am trying to recognize when I am being illogical and adding huge, unnecessary stress to my life.

What I am trying to do lately is recognize the horrible, self-torturing thought processes when they start. If my hair situation is more or less the same from day-to-day, then why do I allow myself to have a “good” day and then a “bad” day? Nothing about my actual hair situation changes from a Tuesday to a Sunday. Only my willingness to tear myself down.

FreethinkerDangerous November 21, 2010 at 2:40 pm

I know how you feel, to an extent. I’m not losing hair but mine is naturally VERY fine and I really don’t like it. It’s a sensitive enough subject. Why are you losing hair though? I used to get these pills that promote hair growth. It was basically a multivitamin. I suggest getting a couple of those products, keeping your diet as healthy as possible and considering getting your hair cut a little shorter–I find that when mine is shorter it makes its thinness a little less noticable. You might also contemplate going to a doctor and finding out why it is falling out. Then you can act accordingly.

Maxine August 16, 2011 at 6:32 am

I have been struggling with my hair loss for years. I have tried everything. I hate it when I talk to someone and they stare at my hair. It is obvious that my hair is thin. I cut my own hair. I will not go to a salon for the same reason as most of you. It makes me depressed and not want to leave the house. No one seems to understand.

Rosie July 14, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I’m 16 and struggling with hair loss. My hair is naturally very thin and there wasn’t much there to start with. Now I have really bad thinning on the sides of my head. I’m just so scared about having to grow up with this, will it get worse. Will it effect people employing me? Will people judge me?

Debbie March 22, 2013 at 4:56 pm

Hello Jan thanks for having the courage to post about something we all have felt. What has helped me over the years is this. Many years ago I went to a small salon a small business owner ma and pa type shop . The only people working there are the owner and her daughter. They are appreciative for the business and you become close over the years and then you share in each others ups and downs . Try and find a small business owner where the salon has a feeling of that movie I think was steel magnolia or something like that . Hopefully there is someone out there like that near you, I am far away in Maryland or I would give you her name. Avoid overcrowded chain shops , I don’t think I could go there. Good luck in finding a good fit it’s out there somewhere. Debbie

Tammie May 14, 2015 at 8:27 pm

I need help real bad my hair is falling out so bad. Have been to so many Dr but they don’t know why I’m losing it. Need to find a hairstyle and a hairdresser that can help me. So far have not found anybody that can help me with this problem. I have been praying each and everyday for healing and strength because I’m getting real weak over losing my hair and how bad I look now.

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