shedding

I wish this post would be something more uplifting, but that isn’t the way hair loss always works is it? I sit here during my ninth year of hair loss all puffy from the crying spree/ meltdown I’ve just endured. Why today, why now? For the most part I have really accepted my hair loss and the thinness of my hair. But I guess the pain, sadness and frustration still floats close to the surface even though I usually keep it under wraps pretty well.

So what the heck happened?

It’s been over a year since I’ve been in for my annual hair cut. My hair is way too long for the thinness that my hair currently has. I can’t go back to the salon, my hair is too thin and I would be way too self conscious. I previously confided my hair loss to my hair stylist and she was understanding and careful not to tug on my hair and also let me comb it out after it was wet. But that was over a year ago and I’m even too embarrassed to have her cut my hair in my home. On a previous visit she had told me she could do that for me, which I thought would be great, until now. Here I am, stuck, helpless and tired.

Who can just cut my hair? I need a stylist who has hair loss, who is sensitive to the issue and who lives in Los Angeles and who can come over to my house, OR a stylist who works for a salon that has private rooms. I was recommended a local place by a friend in the network (Thank you Lisa)  but it is a hair replacement salon, and I am afraid that after they get a gander at how thin my hair is that they will want to push me toward that direction of adding hair to my own,  and I’m not mentally ready for that yet. I just want a haircut, why can’t I get a haircut? [click to continue…]

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An Inventive Way To Comb Your Hair

by Y on August 29, 2008

I am just about to head out the door, but I wanted to make a quick post about my exciting new way to comb my hair. I’m always looking for new ways to avoid having to constantly be smacked in the face with the fact that I’m losing my hair every time I comb my hair after a shower. It is pure torture to just stand there and watch the hair fall like strands of spaghetti from my head. The darn hair is gonna fall whether I look at it or not, and when I’m going through a heightened shedding period I’d really prefer not to watch. I need CONTROL. I’ve done the “blind comb” where I’d sit on the bed with a towel around me and comb my  hair without a mirror, then I’d pick up the towel (not looking of course) and take it outside…shake shake shake.. and I’m all done! No hair loss. Crazy huh? Okay it gets even crazier.

I’m so frustrated with the fact that I’m still going through these shedding periods and I truly don’t have a lot left to lose. So about 20 minutes ago I was standing comb in hand, wet hair, and staring at the sink. It was like a duel out of an old western movie. I glanced at the toilet, I glanced at the sink and back to the toilet. The hair is gonna end up in the toilet anyways so why don’t I just shorten the trip! I squatted around the toilet and comb my hair, the hairs fell right in and I flushed them away. I don’t know if I lost one hair or 200 hairs!  Oh sweet harmony that felt good! I mean seriously, really liberating.

What makes dealing with hair loss so hard is the lack of control, the feeling of the inability to do anything to make those hairs stop falling out. The helplessness. These little things give me back control. And instead of watching my hair fall out of my head, a feel a sense of relief and I go out and enjoy myself at the movies. Whatever helps you get through the day. 🙂

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As most of you have probably already noticed I haven’t written very much lately. I’ve just been sort of trying to refocus my energy to get through this really really tough time. As I write I have to pause as I cannot see the screen though all my tears that keep falling like water out of a facet. I cannot be certain as to why I am going through another very bad shed, I should know by now that I probably should just stop asking why and move on.

For the most part I get through my day, but with a sadness and awareness each time I touch my head or see my reflection. I avoid all mirrors even the ones in grocery stores. I run past store windows for fear I’ll catch that glimpse that will ruin my day. That is how I’ve worked to be able to main a quasi productive day and to live my life… avoid my reflection, turn off the bathroom lights before entering, wear my hair up in a ponytail type bun so that I do not feel the lack of hair I have and to avoid having to be reminded every second of the day that I’m losing my hair as another strand falls on my arm, shoulders or back.

I just took a shower and washed my hair, it pretty much is dried already by the time I take a comb to it, thats how thin it is now. I comb through, saying any words of comfort to myself, a prayer, the alphabet, anything to keep myself busy while I get through the toughest part of my day. The hair falls out so easy like gobs of spaghetti. I consider taking the razor to my head right then and there and just being done with it, but I decide against it for the moment. I’m usually much stronger than this when dealing with my hair but I’ve felt so sad and weak lately. I remind myself it is only hair, and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to me then I probably should consider myself lucky. I feel so sad right now, a heaviness that just sits on me. It’s 4:35pm do you think it is too early for a glass of wine? 🙂 I think not.

P.S. Forgive me if you’ve written to me and I have not answered yet, I will definitely get back to you. I’m just trying to piece myself back together right now.

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