I’ve worn wigs for 9+ years, but in that time I’ve actually never used glue or tape. The majority of my wigs are closed front, meaning they have no lace. In 2019 I got this lace front wig in anticipation of my progressively eroding hairline no longer being able to sustain me through wearing my closed front wig wearing life. I do need tiny bits, very tiny – but still needed, of my hairline to make a closed front wig work and look natural.
I didn’t actually start to wear this lace front wig until last year. Side note: when I got the wig in 2019, it didn’t fully work for me because I did grow up with a lower forehead with temple points dipping towards the eyebrows, and even in quite progressed hair loss and thinning hair, they had still been there to some degree over the years making it harder (near impossible) for me to wear a lace front wig successfully, since you need to have that lace in FRONT of your hair line. On me, it was very hard to achieve this since I would need that wig placed way low on my forehead, which is incredibly unnatural, but I wanted the wig anyways, I wanted it as a security blanket.
Last year, I pulled it out to try it…and I’m not gonna lie, I had a meltdown. Why? Because NOW the lace front that didn’t work the year prior for the reasons stated above…. worked. It was an in your face reminder of what had progressed in a year, or the 20 before that, but the measurement I was using was simply the year prior. In one year, my hairline, temples eroded to where now this wig could work. I sat on my floor crying. I actually made a video and sent it to Sophie, there is a clip of that moment in a video I previously posted on instagram. The part you see my tears, that was last year when I put this wig on for the first time since the year prior. This video below:
Dealing with hair loss is hard. I don’t personally know anyone that was able to wave it off as though they got a paper cut and went on with their life the next day.
I think we are all unique and deal with, and process things differently.
Over the last 13+ years I have been able to observe that some people are able to rapidly move forward through their hair loss acceptance journey, whether or not that included wearing hair, treatment, shaving their head, or nothing at all.
Hair bonding is a very viable alternative hair option for women with hair loss who want to wear hair, but in my opinion it truly takes the RIGHT candidate, more than just practically, I also mean, emotionally.
There are upsides and downsides to both wigs and bonding, and there are women on each side that would state that they would never do the other. We are all different and unique and it’s about finding what works for us.
Sex, Wigs & Hair Loss – Can you have sex in a wig? Yes. Do you need to have sex in your wig? I don’t think you should feel you have to do anything other than what feels best for you, and what makes you feel most comfortable.
If you choose to keep your hair on, I do think it’s helps if you’ve shared that you wear hair, and also note – there isn’t much of an explanation you are required to provide as to why – that’s up to you, but in doing so, you won’t be as concerned if it’s touched or if it slips a tiny bit.
Personally, I would be turned off by anyone that doesn’t accept all of me, the hair loss and the wigs… and I often rip that bandaid before an appetizer is ordered on Day 1, so I haven’t really had to battle or navigate this situation with any degree of real stress to it. Also, my Instagram I use for Women’s Hair Loss Project is the only Instagram I use, so when someone says “Hey, what’s your Instagram?” That is what they get. You’re welcome gentlemen. So it’s not a secret to men or women in my life, but I do know not everyone wants to share, we are all different and I don’t think any one way is better than the other. Whichever allows you to live your best life, is the right way for you.
I don’t have the cure to hair loss, what I do have is the knowledge that the ability to live with hair loss exists, and that the ability to get to a place of being able to live with hair loss and not have it rule your life, does involve letting go of the need for anyone else’s approval or waiting for their validation of your situation.
Acceptance is within us, and we control that… that should be a freeing feeling, knowing that no one has to give you that, you can give that to yourself. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am saying waiting for validation can keep us stuck on the spin cycle. Hair loss is something very difficult for others to truly understand, and understand it in the manner to which it deeply and profoundly affects and alters our lives. You do not need to wait for anyone to get it in order to move forward in your life.
I don’t underestimate the value of validation and the healing properties within it, and I very much think being seen matters, but I also think waiting to be seen or waiting for validation, can hurt us and hold us back.
I don’t know that enough thought or weight is given to the immense value and importance of changing our thoughts/mindset/pre-conceived notions for ourselves, rather than waiting or hoping for the validation or acceptance from others.
Birth control pills and hair loss is very common, I just don’t think that women know how common it is until they are affected by it.
I had made this video for instagram, and felt I wanted to share here, as I think more women should have this information and I also wanted to provide a home here for women to share their own experiences as well. If you want to view the comments that were shared on instagram, you can find the post on my IGTV there: https://www.instagram.com/whlpnetwork/
Birth Control pills can cause hair loss that is temporary, however, it can also kick in our genetic pre-disposition for hair loss and that is what I definitely believed caused the beginning of my hair loss in 1999 – Getting off the pill Loestrin FE.
Some doctors believe that getting on a “hair friendly” pill can stabilize the hormones and help hair loss. In my opinion, there is no such thing as a “hair friendly” pill.
When I first started to lose my hair I would try and discuss what what was happening, and every time I was meant with a smack in the face, or what felt like a smack in the face. Since I started off this process with a ton of hair, for many years into my hair loss, I still “Looked” like I had a lot of hair, even though my loss was very real, very profound and taking a tremendous toll on me.
I wanted to be SEEN so badly, and I was dismissed. It was really very hurtful, it shut me down – and it made my already bad situation, worse.
Please realize, you don’t need to prove your hair loss, you don’t need another person’s validation for what you feel or what you do.
Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY knows you, like you. Nobody knows what your hair was, and nobody has any reference point to compare it to like you do.
The same thing is true for if you want to treat your hair loss, or wear wigs. There is no approval needed by anyone. None. You need to do what is best for you.
You cannot live your life waiting and hoping another person gets it.
Living with hair loss is difficult. So difficult. Conceptually imagining that it was a possibility was a complete improbability for me for many years and I understand it takes so much out of us. There also can be this external pressure to feel like we need to be something or somewhere other than where we are. Which honestly, makes everything much more difficult.
I received this comment on my video, “It’s OK To Not Be OK About Your Hair Loss” and I wanted to share my thoughts on dealing with hair loss, deciding to treat it or not, wearing wigs or not and really just allowing yourself to be true to yourself and not feeling pressure to feel anything other than what you FEEL.
She wrote: I feel the pressure to be positive for everyone else all the time about this hair loss. I don’t see a day coming that I can accept this …but I’m trying. One moment to the next. Thank you for validating our feelings. Only someone else living with this can truly understand.
We need to remove any pressure we are putting on ourselves to be happy or positive for ANYONE else about OUR hair loss. You do not need to be happy about a devastating situation to make someone else more comfortable in their world. I understand the pressure to feel that way, but I want to let you and everyone else know, this doesn’t help us deal with with one of the most devastating afflictions to women.
I wanted you to HEAR me speak The words and not just read them on the screen.
I wanted you to take them in, I wanted you to feel the meaning and what I am saying. So I have recorded my words to this video and shared some of my love, including my baby HOPE. The male kitten I got from the Spanish Harlem shelter in 2001, and who I name HOPE because I was devastated by my hair loss and needed a reminder that HOPE was always around. I am pretty sure I still haven’t recovered from his passing in 2019, but that is a different story.
For 13 years I have communicated with women online, and I know the pain from hair loss, not just my own – but in hearing your stories. I spent over the first half of my hair loss life (of 22 years) not believing, feeling or thinking that things could get better, but it did and it is important for me to let those know, that need to know – it can better, that it definitely can.
Often I find that women are so hard on themselves, comparing themselves to other women, which makes the process of working through anything so much more difficult, and especially in dealing with your hair loss – something that is plenty sufficient to deal with on its own.
You only have to do what feels right for you, not for anyone else.
I want to first write that I am not a fan of hair transplants for women, I personally
think that most women with androgenetic alopecia are NOT candidates for
this procedure. Having said that, I get emailed all the time from women looking
for a good hair transplant surgeon.
If you are deadset on having a consultation, please visit the International Alliance
of Hair Restoration Surgeons. The IAHRS (http://www.iahrs.org)
is an organization that selectively screens skilled and ethical hair transplant
surgeons. Read
my thoughts about hair transplants here.
