Women's Hair Loss Project

I don’t have the cure to hair loss, what I do have is the knowledge that the ability to live with hair loss exists, and that the ability to get to a place of being able to live with hair loss and not have it rule your life, does involve letting go of the need for anyone else’s approval or waiting for their validation of your situation. 

Acceptance is within us, and we control that… that should be a freeing feeling, knowing that no one has to give you that, you can give that to yourself. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am saying waiting for validation can keep us stuck on the spin cycle. Hair loss is something very difficult for others to truly understand, and understand it in the manner to which it deeply and profoundly affects and alters our lives. You do not need to wait for anyone to get it in order to move forward in your life.

I don’t underestimate the value of validation and the healing properties within it, and I very much think being seen matters, but I also think waiting to be seen or waiting for validation, can hurt us and hold us back. 

I don’t know that enough thought or weight is given to the immense value and importance of changing our thoughts/mindset/pre-conceived notions for ourselves, rather than waiting or hoping for the validation or acceptance from others. 

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When I first started to lose my hair I would try and discuss what what was happening, and every time I was meant with a smack in the face, or what felt like a smack in the face. Since I started off this process with a ton of hair, for many years into my hair loss, I still “Looked” like I had a lot of hair, even though my loss was very real, very profound and taking a tremendous toll on me.

I wanted to be SEEN so badly, and I was dismissed. It was really very hurtful, it shut me down – and it made my already bad situation, worse. 

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Please realize, you don’t need to prove your hair loss, you don’t need another person’s validation for what you feel or what you do. 

Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY knows you, like you. Nobody knows what your hair was, and nobody has any reference point to compare it to like you do. 

The same thing is true for if you want to treat your hair loss, or wear wigs. There is no approval needed by anyone. None. You need to do what is best for you.

You cannot live your life waiting and hoping another person gets it. 

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Living with hair loss is difficult. So difficult. Conceptually imagining that it was a possibility was a complete improbability for me for many years and I understand it takes so much out of us. There also can be this external pressure to feel like we need to be something or somewhere other than where we are. Which honestly, makes everything much more difficult.

I received this comment on my video, “It’s OK To Not Be OK About Your Hair Loss” and I wanted to share my thoughts on dealing with hair loss, deciding to treat it or not, wearing wigs or not and really just allowing yourself to be true to yourself and not feeling pressure to feel anything other than what you FEEL.

She wrote: I feel the pressure to be positive for everyone else all the time about this hair loss. I don’t see a day coming that I can accept this …but I’m trying. One moment to the next. Thank you for validating our feelings. Only someone else living with this can truly understand.

We need to remove any pressure we are putting on ourselves to be happy or positive for ANYONE else about OUR hair loss. You do not need to be happy about a devastating situation to make someone else more comfortable in their world. I understand the pressure to feel that way, but I want to let you and everyone else know, this doesn’t help us deal with with one of the most devastating afflictions to women.

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I wanted you to HEAR me speak The words and not just read them on the screen. 

I wanted you to take them in, I wanted you to feel the meaning and what I am saying. So I have recorded my words to this video and shared some of my love, including my baby HOPE. The male kitten I got from the Spanish Harlem shelter in 2001, and who I name HOPE because I was devastated by my hair loss and needed a reminder that HOPE was always around. I am pretty sure I still haven’t recovered from his passing in 2019, but that is a different story.

For 13 years I have communicated with women online, and I know the pain from hair loss, not just my own – but in hearing your stories. I spent over the first half of my hair loss life (of 22 years) not believing, feeling or thinking that things could get better, but it did and it is important for me to let those know, that need to know – it can better, that it definitely can. 

Often I find that women are so hard on themselves, comparing themselves to other women, which makes the process of working through anything so much more difficult, and especially in dealing with your hair loss – something that is plenty sufficient to deal with on its own.

You only have to do what feels right for you, not for anyone else.

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