The Final Push Towards Wearing a Wig

by admin on August 8, 2012

I’m often asked what was the final push or moment that led me to make the decision to starting wearing hair. That final moment was my 34th birthday, it came to me as I laid in bed and wondered how many more years I would give away to hair loss. I was 21 years old when this started and now zip zoom, I was 34. I blinked and 13 years were behind me, many tear filled days, sadness and despair, many lost social gatherings with friends and just a loss of me in general. Gone. Gone Gone. Never to return again is the time I missed out on, I can’t change the past, but I can decide what happens from this point on. I was now 34 years old, later that day I  took the opportunity to tell my fiancé that “this year would be the year.” The year I would just do it and make the move towards my hair wearing life. “By the time I’m 35 I will be wearing hair!” I said to him only half believing it probably. Easier said than done, ya know? I didn’t know if that meant bonded hair or a wig, I probably was thinking more along the lines of bonding hair. I just knew it HAD to be something… anything. My hair loss had reached a point where I felt I could no longer hide it in the way I could in the years prior, it was beginning to really take it’s toll on me and I was tired of all of it.

I spent the next month following my birthday trying to work up the nerve to make an appointment somewhere to begin exploring my options. The more I thought about it the more I realized I wasn’t ready to bond, and I either had to wait until the day I’d be ready or start looking into wigs. I was done waiting, remember zip zoom? I didn’t want anymore time to pass. So each day I’d scour the internet for wig videos, looking at tons of websites and then sit with the phone next to me staring at phone numbers on the screen paralyzed to call, I’d dial 3 digits, then hang up the phone with my heart pounding. I was praying a beta blocker would show up at my door step! I even asked my fiancé to call for me, he stated that he felt this was something I really needed to do myself. Jerk. Just kidding… he was right. If I couldn’t make a phone call for myself to get an appointment, how was I even going to get through the appointment. I ended up doing 5 things:

1) Purchased 2 wigs online from Freeda, and ended up returning one.
2) Made an appointment with Flora (via email) in New Jersey which I later cancelled.
3) Went to the Milano wigs showroom in Los Angeles and bought 2 wigs.
4) Made an appointment at Lee Anthony in Orange County which I later cancelled as a result of already finding my hair.
5) Made an appointment at Follea in Beverly Hills

There it was, in that order 1-5. My steps to emotional freedom :) By the way, that all transpired in approximately one week, if I recall correctly. I was obsessed!!! I couldn’t do anything else, I even think I lost a few pounds that week from being engrossed in my wig searching activities. So that was a nice bonus, I’ve since added those back and a few more. Darn it.

I think many people who would see my hair after a fresh wash and blow dry would wonder why on earth I’d choose to wear a wig, I still have enough hair to look “okay” for everyone else I suppose, but it’s a thin, fluffy shameful mess to me and it’s still falling out. It makes me feel insecure, less-than, self conscious and unhappy. It’s bollocks! (I’ve always wanted to use that word, seemed to fit well there, ha).  It’s progressively fading away and it isn’t coming back,  this I know for sure, so what was I waiting for? I had thoughts that haunted me and that were a source for much anxiety in my life. I feared if I never got the moxi to do something for myself, that I’d wake up one day and I’d be 80 years old and I’d look back on the life I’d left behind, and for what? My inability to “cope” and accept wearing hair? What a poor excuse to give up on my life. Perhaps on my 90th birthday I’d be ready to make the hair wearing leap! It scared me so deeply that I’d potentially sacrifice this gift of life because of my f’ing hair.

No mas. No more. Sure I’m still dealing with hair loss, my hair is still falling out, but I’m no longer a prisoner to it.

I resisted wearing hair for so long. After all it wouldn’t be MY hair, it wouldn’t be the hair I once had. It wouldn’t be the same color, it wouldn’t be as good, it wouldn’t, it wouldn’t, it wouldn’t…. I could have written the book on “10,000 Ways To Keep Yourself From Moving Forward In Your life, The Power of Destructive Thinking” That should be my memoir, LOL, that along with “Sleep Your Life Away.” :)

There are options out there, there is no reason to live your life feeling uncomfortable. While wearing hair doesn’t change your current state of hair loss reality, it can give you your confidence and smile back, it can bring the joy and sexy back into your life. What more can we ask for?  It’s not a perfect solution, there is no perfect solution apart from all our hair returning right? But, it can be pretty darn awesome if we allow it to be. I think our own outlook on wearing hair will ultimately determine our level of success with it. Never say never. You can do whatever it is you want to do. I believe each day we make a choice, we either choose to be content in where we are at, or we choose to take the steps necessary to get to where we want to be.

Wearing wigs ADDS to my life, it doesn’t take away from it.

XOXO

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Lina August 8, 2012 at 11:31 am

Y,

Your 34th birthday, my recent melt down, when is enough enough? I too had so many “when” moments. I guess somehow we so desperately want to believe our hair will come back, that the madness will stop. As the years pass and 25 in my case, every doctor, derm, specialist, cream, lotion, potion, pill… umh – safe to say I flushed money I did not have and my hair down the toilet. The life I missed out on – I can never never get that back, what an absolute shame – not to mention the anxiety I caused myself, the stress, the heartache…
I think in my case even though I thought I was a strong and level headed person, I let this fester so long that I could not be logical – I spun myself in a world of dispair. I can’t bare to look at myself or even feel the air on my scalp and I don’t go anywhere – so hello am I waiting for every strand to fall out so I don’t have to make the decision?
As you know, I’m wearing my topper that I bought 8 months ago, spent another 2000 on a topper I never wear and I have a 1500 wig in my closet that I bought 3 years and wore once. You see I wanted to change but lacked inner courage.
I have entered (or is that, I never left) a dreaded shed, my topper actually hurts and can’t sit that flat because my hair is so fine and basically not there. I can’t stand to feel it when I am not wearing my topper or look at it, I would rather shave it all off and just flush the bitch down the toilet (sorry about the language). I believe it would look a lot better than what it does now sadly – besides I have seen a few women on this site that have shaved their heads and they totally look awesome!!!
My current hair struggle has been washing my hair at night, while shampooing ever so gently and rinsing while holding the bottom half of my hair up so that I can “prevent” hair falling out (yeah, really) and the back, butt and back of legs hair wipe. Going to bed with wet hair, heaven forbid I brush it or dry it with a blow dryer – don’t want to dry out the frizz ball, wake up, brush, clip in topper and pick up all the hairs out of the sink and floor – you see, still struggling.
However, the last week and a half of wearing hair and I feel better, my chest tightness is gone, I have gone out twice and not only have I gone out, I had a super time and forgot about my hair – it was freaking liberating! and… my hair topper right now is not as undetectable as I would like but I don’t care – well I do but it has gotten my feet wet into wearing hair and I am getting prepared to buzz and wear the wig shortly and I feel a little giddy and a heck of alot scared – but I know I have so much positive and life ahead of me – I am not doomed – halleluiah!!!
Now the only way to go is up, I wish I could afford wigs like yours but I will get the best I can afford and get on with it. I don’t know anyone who has bought their first hair piece and loved it or even liked it – do not give up – do not give up.
I thank WHLP and you for giving me courage and hope and a kick in the pants that I needed. You have brought us together, you have let us in, you’ve helped us work out the kinks, you let us cry, laugh, vent and feel not alone, you are brilliant and an angel – thank you.
Ladies, as scary as it seems and I believe a lot of fear lies in change, even when we want things to change – do you believe yourselves to be kind? I bet you/we all are – how about we be kind to ourselves for a change.
I wish you all peace, love, happiness and acceptance – with hair, without hair.
“Lord grant me the strength to change the things I can, accept the things I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Your sister in strength,
Lina xo

Annette August 8, 2012 at 11:37 am

How beautiful…. I swear you really do need to write a book on “Surviving Hair Loss”…. I’m very serious…. You write so well and even in your pain, we can find a line that you’ve written that makes us smile and laugh out loud… But, MOST OF ALL you write what WE feel… I look forward to reading each and every word you write… You have helped me more than you know. Just to be able to “escape” the real world of people who don’t understand and come here and be able to be among people who do, is priceless… Thank you so much for being here for me… God Bless You, Annette xo

Rachael Jean August 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I never miss reading any of your posts. You have been in my heart for a long time now and your courage to put this blog together has spared me many tears and given me a place to laugh and cry over the years! It thrills me to read your post wearing hair blogs. I agree that you should write a book. You have years of material to gleen from!
I can relate to everyone’s posts and am grateful for this safe place to share!

Xxooxxo
RJ

Lula August 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Thanks so much for all your postings. I had to make that same choice at 35. I went to Milano wigs and they are very nice and helpful. I dont believe the wigs are “virgin”. Bought the band to try under an old wig I have from Ilan Wain. FYI He is 3 blocks from Milano on Beverly Blvd in los angeles. I think the hair quality he has is better. He is a brilliant stylist but can be pushy.

Joy August 8, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I cannot thank you enough for writing this blog. I felt like I was the only young person losing my hair. I love fashion, I’m very social, I love looking nice and I loved my hair. It just didn’t seem possible that someone like me would be balding! I can’t function without my hair right? Beautiful long thick wavy hair that has defined me most of my life. I’m 35 and losing for 5 years and I just don’t look like the same person anymore. It’s very comforting to read your posts and see your photos and video. thank you

ImJena August 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Love this blog post, everything you said is so true. :)

mh August 8, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Hi
Im losing my hair very fast Tried several doctors medications but to no use
I am now starting to believe i will lose all hair in matter of weeks or few months How natural do human hair wigs look I am not ashamed to express I will feel embarrased if anyone except my family knows I will wear a wig

Any suggestions will be great help

Its heartbreaking to lose hair No words can express

A August 9, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Y,

I actually sent this post to my husband. In the subject line I wrote: “this is EXACTLY how I feel.”

Even though he is 100% supportive, it is difficult for our friends and family to understand how paralyzing this can be. I keep going back to this post. I don’t want to be 80 years old and telling myself, “I wish I would have . . .” Plus, if I am going to “wear hair,” I might as well do it when I can pull of having long, shiny locks.

Thanks for everything you do. I only wish more women struggling with this will stumble upon this website.

Brooknix Ellie August 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Thank u, thank u, thank u!!! I have tears in my eyes as i write this tears of empathy, sadness, and well acceptance!!! I have let this problem rob me of well everything for way too long!! Years of tears and givin up on life was my story too:( it is a daily battle for me sometimes i am so greatful i can throw hair on, look great and go and somedays i feel so awkward, like i have a huge brick block on my head! Hour by hour day by day, but i’m still tryin to be strong. Somedays i can laugh bout it and make jokes. Thanks again for all u do for us gals:) Ur book jokes are great, betcha they’d sell!!! I’d buy one for sure:) U look great!!!

admin August 9, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Thank you for all these amazing touching comments! For everything you’ve thanked me for, I must return the thank you’s a thousand times over. You being here has saved me, it’s given me support and understanding. You’ve supported me through my darkest times and my happiest. Without all of you, I would be lost.

@Lina – You are headed on a path that is destined to allow you to live a life feeing good about yourself, you should feel so good and proud that you busted out that topper and are wearing her around! I’m so happy for you. I agree, I doubt anyone every buys their first wig and loves it. I had pretty good luck with the ones I purchased, and while they may be right for someone, they weren’t for me. So I have 3 sitting in the closet. I relate to your struggle, the shower, the comb.. all of it, wiping hair up from everywhere. It was sure a slap in the face when I had to pick up my hair off my CAT! How’s that for role reversal? My hair is all over the floor that it gets stuck between my toes, what are the odds of that happening over and over? Apparently pretty good odds when there is plenty down there. Most of my melt downs used to occur in the shower, I was beaten down by the pain of what was happening, I used to have horrible fits of crying, pasting my fallen hairs on the wall of the shower and then sinking to the bottom of the shower floor in a heap of a fragile mess sobbing, my fiancé would fine me that way… a lot. But that is the past. My hair still is falling out, yes. Not having a horrible shed at the moment just living in the aftermath of 13 years of hair loss. But now there is brightness in future, I SEE a future. Despite what my follicles choose to do, they will no longer keep me a prisoner of despair. I look forward to following your journey, I know you are on the path to acceptance, freedom and happiness.

@Annette – You are so sweet! Thank you. I’m so glad you enjoy reading my posts. It’s great to know my words are helpful and comforting to others, writing has always be cathartic to me, somehow it provides a clearing to my emotions that eases any tension or struggle I may be going through. I’ve always been an “emotional” writer. I write when I’m very sad or very happy. When I’m just “blah” no words seem to come to me :) Instead I go looking in the fridge for some wine… searching for some inspiration via chardonnay.

@Rachel Jean – I smile when I see your name, you’ve been here a really long time. A part of my life, a part of my journey. I really appreciate all the words you’ve shared over the years!

@Lula – Milano does sell virgin hair, I have one of their OL16 (I believe it’s called) and that one is virgin. I also have one of their processed wigs. They carry both.

@Joy – My hair defined me too. I received no compliment more frequent in all my years growing up, than my hair. It was a real blow when it starting falling out. A seemingly cruel joke of mother nature. I think that is also what made it so hard for me to accept wearing hair, I felt it would never be as good. I felt my color was so special, it would never be the same. Well my current bio hair doesn’t even remotely resemble the hair I had before this began, so I had to stop giving it so much undeserved accolades. It was great back then, it sucks now. The wigs I wear technically have less hair than I had growing up, but I love it, it’s the new me. I am no longer the same person I was when I was 21, things change, we change, and my hair has changed. I wear wigs, the hair on them is lovely and I’m so thankful and appreciative I have them in my life now. Wigs have a bad stigma, they really do, that word can quiet a room to the point of a hearing a pin drop. Why are you wearing a wig???? It’s a hard concept for many to grasp, but guess what, “They” don’t have to, only us who choose to accept that as part of the new “us” need to grasp it, embrace it and realize it can be a beautiful thing.

@ImJena – XOXO

@mh – Human hair wigs *can* look amazing and flawless, it depends on the wig. There are a lot of good ones and even more bad ones out there. It may take time to find the right one for you, definitely something worth doing in person and bringing along a friend or family member can help get that second opinion on how they look on you. I’m so sorry you are going through this, I know how devastating and heartbreaking it is. Please know you aren’t alone in this… ((HUGS))

@A – It IS difficult for friends and family not going though this (and even for some of them that are) to really GET the full impact of what hair loss can do to us. No, you don’t want to wait till you wake up and you’re 80 years old and you think “What the heck did I do…” as you ponder the life that passed you by. I constantly thought about that. Constantly. Here right now, this second, that is the only thing we have, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed to any of us. We have to decide how we want to LIVE.

@Brooknix Ellie – ((HUGS)) In your words I feel your struggle and also your desire and drive to get past all of it. It is a long road, wearing hair hasn’t made everything perfect in my life. I still have to accept that I pick my hair up off a styrofoam head in the morning. I look down at my hair as it lays on my chest and I sometimes forget it’s not really mine, then when I do remember sometimes that’s a small sad moment because I realize my hair will never rest that way again on my chest. But each day I get stronger, I feel happier and I realize we have to change and accept that nothing stays the same, so either jump into the moving car or get run over by it. I vote for hopping in to ride the journey to happiness and living and the wonder of the future. I have enough tire tracks on me to last a life time :)

XOXO

suki August 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

y, so thrilled for you as i go down a similar path after almost 50 years of hair loss (yes one wonders what kind of insane amount of hair you’d have to have to lose it consistently for 50 years but trust me it has been slowly and inevitably getting thinner and thinner).

i have been to Lee Anthony and am personally not a fan. they wanted to tie microdots of hair (or a term like that) to mine. the one they did fell out the next day. not their fault but i was not impressed and almost felt that i had too much hair (for once!) to interest them. so i don’t think you missed much there.

based on your review, i went to Follea and met with Vicka re clip on bangs. i am going to blog about it today (cause i picked them up yesterday and V. cut them in beautifully) but suffice it to say that i still am a huge fan of Follea and really find them to be talented and honorable people.

anyway, congrats again and again thanks (can’t say it too often) for all that you have created here. WHLP has been a life-changer and i salute you! xo

admin August 11, 2012 at 7:44 am

@Suki – I’m so sorry you didn’t have a good experience at Lee Anthony, thanks for letting me know! You know I think all the stars aligned just right for me in my wig hunt, the online ordering, trying wigs on at a wig place, and then landing at Follea. One misstep and I could have been really discouraged and set back. I’m just glad it all happened swiftly and wasn’t a drawn out long hunt find the perfect wig(s) for me. I’m so happy to hear you had a good experience at Follea too. Congrats on your new clip on bangs! I look forward to reading your blog about it.

XOXO

Kelly August 11, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Great post and way to take the bull by the horns! You are so inspiring. One question tho – I have such a hard time just forgetting I’m wearing hair. It’s to the point that whenever I’m talking to anyone, the only thing going on in my head is “WIG, WIG, WIG, WIG, WIG….” ( even though its just a topper at this point – the wig is coming…). I need to get past that – and stop looking at everyone else’s head.

Lina – you sound a lot like me., especially with your hair routine. Love your strength.

admin August 12, 2012 at 7:38 am

@Kelly – Thank you! Yes, I know all to well about being aware of my wig and wondering if others are aware too and feeling like there is a siren on my head going off with bright red lights and horns blaring “WIG WIG WIG WIG” whoop whoop whoop” WIG WIG WIG” Whoop Whoop Whoop :)

You know what… it’s US with that noise in our heads, I find that nobody else pays any attention, nobody looks, nobody cares really. They care about their own sirens and horns for whatever they have going on in their lives, that we may not ben in tune to. We have to “own” wearing hair and I mean like the 3 snap z formation wave in front of the face, “Own It.” But yes, it’s hard, I’m a work in progress myself :)

mh August 13, 2012 at 6:33 am

Thanks

Is there any way to speak to you on phone for few minutes? In the country i live in its hard to find human hair wigs so any information from you will help

admin August 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

@Mh – I don’t do “phone” so that’s not an option :) but there are are online stores that will ship internationally. Have you tried calling around?

LisaH August 17, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Dear Y, I have been away waaaaayyyy too long! What a beautiful post. Congrats on taking this huge step; your hair looks amazing and you seem happy and at peace! Whooo hooo. I am right on your heels, sister. (Which is why I found myself here this morning.) Thank you for all you are and for all you do for your sisters. :) xoxoxoxo Lisa

frecklegal August 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Thank you so much for this incredible website. I’m 34 and since having my daughter 19 mos ago my hair has been wildly falling out. I thought it was post-pregnancy hair loss but it never started growing back in, and now my hairline is changing. Doctors haven’t yet diagnosed and I’m getting antsy. Thank you for a FABULOUSLY informative site.

Now to my very important question. I need a store as amazing as Follea along the Northeast Corridor – somewhere between Manhattan and Boston. Any and all tips are so appreciated. If this loss keeps up and I can’t find an appropriately amazing solution, you know I’m headed to LAX. 😉

Jaysgirl84 September 4, 2012 at 1:06 am

Thank you so much for this post . You are giving me the courage to take the next step into the world of wigs . I NEVER thought I would ever have to think about this subject but alas, it has been consuming my thoughts everyday for a long time . I am thinking about trying a Raquel Welch wig for my first unit , has anybody tried her brand ? I am tight on cash and eventually want to purchase a nice few human hair wigs but until then this is my option . Any advice would be greatly appreciated .

Electra September 14, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Thank you so much for your website. It’s been so helpful in helping me move forward.

I have scarring Alopecia. It’s a slow and literally painful march. I have bald spots on my crown that won’t come back and it’s still going.

Having read about and talked to Areata patients, I’ve learned a lot. They go through traumatic and profound hair loss, sometimes within days. They have their mourning and they move on. I spoke to a woman with Universalis. She was over it, past it, rear view mirror. I want to be her!

Slow hair loss has its own burdens. Like death by paper cuts. When is it time to wear hair, shave your head, etc.

I bought a wig but don’t love it. Going to meet with a Follea rep as I think yours is gorgeous and I like how you have hair at your hairline showing.
You are gorgeous too. A smile now!

Love the videos and pics. I want to see real women wearing hair. Model photos aren’t believable.

Thank you!

admin September 20, 2012 at 2:02 pm

OMG I’m so sorry on my delayed replies, bad Mila! (I don’t accept responsibility anymore for anything, I just blame it all on one of my girls) So much to do so little time, it’s hard to keep up sometimes.

@LisaH – Thanks so much!

@Frecklegal – I’m so glad you found us, we’re the same age :) I know that Alfieri in New York carries Follea, but the best way to find yourself a local place is just to give Follea a ring, they are really nice over there.

@Jaysgirl84 – I have a very limited wig brand experience, meaning I’ve only tried Freeda, Milano wigs and Follea, but I did find some great wig review youtube channels from some great gals I follow on there, Tanukes channel is really great: http://www.youtube.com/user/Tanukes/videos?flow=grid&view=0 she does a lot of great reviews on different wigs also there is a gal on Vimeo that has 162 video wig reviews, her channel is “onehundredpercentreal” http://vimeo.com/onehundredper/videos There is lots of video wig watching there :) I know the girl on Vimeo does have some Raquel Welch wig reviews.

@Electra – Death by paper cuts… VERY well said. I just cut my hair super short because I’m getting off my meds and I want to visually lessen the impact of the shed. I’m done fighting with my hair and trying to bend over backward to save it, because I’m so much happier just wearing my wigs now. My wigs give me the ability to feel like me again, I’ve accepted that my hair loss is not stopping, not reversing and it’s just done.. death by paper cuts is right, so I’m chopping it off and leaving what I need to work for me, I’m tired of wasting shampoo on my crappy hair :) I’m so glad you are finding hope and inspiration here and that the pics and videos are helping to show women that wigs ARE an option, they aren’t just for old ladies in rocking chairs, no SIReeee. I don’t even OWN a rocking chair (yet) although I did used to knit a lot, but I digress LOL

XOXO

Electra September 20, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Thanks Y,

Can’t wait until next weekend when I go to Jentis. Thanks for showing us Follea in such honest detail. Having some good hair will be a lift.

I’m not ready to shave the head yet, but I think a buzz will be in my future depending on how my disease progresses. Maybe it would ease the pain a little not having to wash and comb. I don’t think I could pull off bald as my condition brings a lovely rash. ick

Good luck with going off your meds. I’m in a battle with my meds too. Ditched some and will choose a new one next week.

At least good hair is in my future. I’ll have to dream up wig names.

Can’t wait to see you and one of your girls in the next video.

Barbara July 19, 2017 at 7:48 am

So nice to have found your blog! I am 63 and have been battling hair loss on the crown of my head…due to a pituitary tumor. I have lots of issues from losing my pituitary gland, but hair loss tops them all! It literally takes me 3 minutes to dry the top of my hair and 45 minutes more working to disguise my shining pink scalp. Special shampoos, products before blow-drying, rollers in (curling irons not good for what’s left to work with), concealing scalp powder, teasing, styling, more powder, then hair spray, hair spray, hairspray. So exhausting and it still likes thin. I recently ordered a wig and can’t wait for it to get here. Did you better luck with one company over another?

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