One New Year’s Eve a few years ago we had some friends over for a little get together. After one of our friends described how she had been upset over a comment that was made to her and how her husband responded in the “wrong” way, we joked that we should establish and website and 1-800 number to help men with what they should say to their wives in difficult situations. We decided we should call it: 1-800-HELP-MEN or 1800helpmen.com
So… if the man in your life were to call this hypothetical hotline, I’d give him this 12-step program to help him help you deal with your hair loss — and to help them know the correct “wig etiquette.” Even if your partner is not a man, much of the program still applies. Read on…
1) Acknowledge that she is losing her hair. Don’t pretend that she looks the same because she knows she doesn’t and she needs your support and encouragement. However, just as with every other “appearance issue,” use discretion in how you give an honest answer. For example, she might say, “Do I look weird?” And you might think that a simple “Yes” or “no” will do. Might I recommend that you use a few more, but carefully-selected, words? Try this, “Honey, I fell in love with you, not your hair, and I think you are so strong for the way you are dealing with this.” See? You didn’t even have to actually answer her question, but instead validated her real underlying need to know that she is OK and that you are OK with her.
2) Tell her that you love her no matter how she looks. Tell her often and in a variety of ways. Here are some ideas: notes, cards, phone calls, favors, whispers, kisses, sex, gifts, etc. – but not necessarily listed in order of importance. Note on the sex thing… If she is having self-esteem issues with her hair loss (which most of us do), let her turn the lights off if that makes her more comfortable. Whatever your normal routine is in that regard – lights on or lights off, or, heck, hair on or off – let her make the call as to what she is most comfortable with. Personally, I have a hard time with this because I generally take off my wig, but then I’m distracted when Eric looks at me because I think that “how can he make love to me when I look like this?” Of course, I am also aware that once a man is in bed with a naked woman, her hair is way down on the list of things he’s interested in. [click to continue…]
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