by Y on September 17, 2007
June 14th 2004. I bet I know what you’re thinking. “That’s when her hair started falling out” Right? Nope. That’s when I had my ability to walk taken away from me. It was a normal day, and I was training for a big national competition in Australia with my horse. I had been riding for 10 years before that day, and falling off was just another thing. No big deal. I had heard that you had a 2% chance of something going horribly wrong if you fell off a horse, and I’d never come away with anything more then a couple of bruises and some sore muscles until that day. I was now a paraplegic. Being faced with the fact that I would never walk again. Ever. That I would be completely dependant on a wheelchair for the rest of my life and have to learn all over again to do simple tasks like looking after myself. It was hard. Very hard. But not the hardest thing I’ve experienced.
Just before my 16th birthday, my hair began to fall out. Very slowly at first, just a few more stands then normal. But in the next week it became more and more noticeable. There would be hair on my pillow, in my sheets, stuck on my clothes, on the lounge, in the shower, absolutely everywhere. Handfuls of hair would painlessly and effortlessly come out just running my fingers through my hair. I used to sit on the bottom of the shower in shock, as I watched my hair run loose with the stream of water and watch the water rise as the hair covered the drain. I was petrified of brushing my hair. I wanted to keep the small amount of hair that I had left. I felt so ugly, so alone, like such a freak. I was a girl! A YOUNG girl. And here I was holding my hair in my hands crying and hoping to God that this was just a horrible, nasty dream.
But it wasn’t. It was real, and after a while I decided it had to go. I was sick of the torment of showers and having to brush knots out of my hair and end up brushing out hundreds of strands, having it cover the entire house and having no control over it. So I decided to shave my remaining hair off to raise money for the Leukemia Foundation of Australia. [click to continue…]
by Y on September 16, 2007
Today is yet another one of the down days where I seem to focus more on my hair loss. There are a of those days. I guess perhaps it didn’t help that when I went to refasten my ponytail, my ponytail scrunchie had a ton of fallen hairs stuck into it. I flushed all the hairs down the toilet and along went a little more of myself with it.
I wear my hair up all the time, for two reasons, one is that I don’t want my hair falling all over me during the day, and the other is that it is the only way I can mildly “feel my hair.” This is going to be a hard concept to follow for anyone who doesn’t have hair loss, but as you lose your hair whether you’ve lost 1/4 or 3/4 of it, you no longer can feel it (obviously the more lost the worse it is), you become acutely aware of the fact that it feels like there is nothing there. Not a good feeling, it’s awful. I’ve been aware of the “not feeling my hair” syndrome since the beginning, but now it is at an all time high and I cannot actually function with my hair down. It simply does not allow me to think about anything else. It causes me to be paralyzed. From the shower into a ponytail, that’s how I live. Not a regular one either, it’s the kind that the hair is actually double looped and pulled though. Nowadays it is practically the only way I can wear a ponytail because it enables me to have a thicker diameter that the scrunchie can loop around.
I sit here wondering why this has happened to me. Why can’t I be stronger and take back control by making a decision to not let this rule my life or dictate a good day from a bad day. If I was stronger I would shave my head and be done with it. I logically know there are far worse things in life. But even logic cannot pull be out of the perpetual black hole I’m living in. This is my cross to bear.
by Y on September 11, 2007
As many of you already know from reading my story, I am currently taking the medication synthroid for low thyroid. Recently I’ve been seriously looking towards that as being the cause of my excessive hair loss, and what seems like an endless hair shedding that has been going on for years non stop. Let me first clarify that I know for a fact that isn’t what initially started my hair loss. What started my hair loss was from stopping high androgen index birth control pills, however, I think that synthroid may be exacerbating the situation.
When I first started losing my hair approximately 8 years ago I would notice that my hair shredding would sort of go in cycles, there would be 4 months of a crazy shed and the next 4 months it would seem to slow down tremendously. That break in shedding would would allow for some hair to grow back. But, as of the last couple years I’ve been shedding non stop with a recent tremendous increase this year. My thyroid medication dose has been raised this year and last year as well. I don’t know if that is just a coincidence or it that level is too much for my hair.
I came stumbled across a website today where people were sharing their experiences with hair loss and Synthroid. The stories were very mixed, similar to what you will find in any forum, which is precisely what my gripe was yesterday when I was talking about my issue with hair loss forums. But, I still find myself scanning various internet sites in hopes to find something… anything that may help me. I do think that certainly enough people complain that they believe it is the cause of their hair loss, that I should start looking into another medication to treat my hypothyroidism.
It is always scary switching any medication when you are suffering with hair loss, at least it is for me. I want to try and find a local thyroid doctor who believes in treating his/her patients with a natural thyroid.
by Y on September 7, 2007
Today is a better day as far as my general outlook. It’s not because my major hair loss shedding episode has come to an end, it is better… just because. I got up, put my hair in a ponytail and decided to not spend each minute of the day focusing on my present hair loss situation. The good days come and go, I take each day as it comes.
I just finished cleaning up the kitchen, which by the way I have no idea how two people can use what seemed like 30 pieces of silverware since 7:00pm last night when I last cleaned the kitchen. By the looks of the kitchen you would think I was running a catering service, but I digress. Anyways, as I was cleaning the kitchen I was reminded of one of the many horrible things about going through a massive shed. No matter how hard you try to get on with your day you are constantly reminded about your struggle because your hair is EVERYWHERE. It’s on the counter, it’s on the sponge, it’s in the sink… if I pick up a splenda packet off the floor 9/10 times there may a piece of my hair attached to it because my hair is all over the floor as well. It’s usually not visible when I’m standing looking down at the floor.. well sometimes it is, but often not. Fortunately for me my hair and the floor are pretty similar in color. But it never fails, more often than not when I reach down for a paper I get a hair with it. How lovely. right? The other day in the car my fiance dropped something on the car floor, picked it up and what do you know my hair is with it. It’s on your clothes, even the clean ones hanging in the closet, in the bed, on the couch… am I leaving anything out? I’ve not touched on the obvious.. the shower.
by Y on September 3, 2007
Today I’ve come down with some sort of bug and have been laying around on the couch while working from my laptop. I’ve had an crazy shedding day. I keep pulling out my ponytail holder to refasten it, only to see tons of hairs around it, then to further torture myself I keep swooping the ponytail only to be able to get out what seems like a gazillion hair each time. Obviously it is not a gazillion, but it is a lot. And then after all that, I pull the back of my shirt towards the front so that I can pick off the rest of the hairs that have fallen while I’ve done this little crazy routine. [click to continue…]
