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I found this article that was posted yesterday on the Mirror.co.uk site. It is about a woman whose hair loss nearly killed her. It is a very touching article so I’m reposting it here for all of the readers:
Shoving a handful of pills into my mouth, I washed them down with a big swig of vodka.
I didn’t even know what I’d taken - I’d grabbed whatever was in the medicine cabinet and hoped it would end my pain. Then, I called one of my friends.
“I’ve taken an overdose,” I sobbed into the phone.
My mum Teresa picked up the receiver downstairs and had heard everything.
She piled me into the car and took me to hospital, near our home in Bradford, West Yorkshire.
“Why?”
She kept asking. “My hair!” I cried. “No one knows what it’s like.”
Up until the age of 13, I’d been just like everyone else. Then, suddenly, my long brown hair started to fall out in clumps.
At first, it was just a few places, here and there. But, gradually, more patches began to appear. I tried covering it up, doing my hair in different styles, using hair thickening creams and sprays. But nothing worked. There was no getting away from it - I was going bald.
The doctors diagnosed alopecia. “We don’t know what has caused it,” the specialist said. “It could have been shock.”
One of my grandmothers has passed away and I’d moved house and schools.
But I’d never dreamed it would make me lose my hair.
Going to school became a nightmare. “Hey, baldie!” the kids would shout at me down the corridor.
The doctors didn’t know whether my hair would grow back. But while it was gone, I felt in limbo.
I saw taking an overdose as my only way out.
Thankfully, I didn’t take enough pills to do any permanent damage. But my extreme behaviour worried my family.
My mum got me to see a counsellor, who encouraged me to talk about my feelings more openly. It helped a little but then, when I was 16, the little hair I had left fell out. too.
I was devastated and started to wear a wig permanently. I left school, got a job at Morrisons and tried to get on with my life. Shortly after I’d started my job, I met Paul through a work friend. I told him that I wore a wig. “It doesn’t bother me,” he said.
But the relationship didn’t last long. Two weeks after we split up, I found out I was pregnant.
Surprisingly, while I was carrying my baby, all my hair grew back and, by the time I gave birth to my son Callum, I had a full head of hair. I was overjoyed.
It didn’t last, though. Just six weeks after Callum arrived, I started losing my locks again. And this time, my eyebrows fell out, too.
Home alone with my newborn son every night, I began falling into depression.
I put on weight and stopped caring what I looked like. And when I did pluck up the courage to go out, my worst nightmare came true. I was on the dance floor when a friend from work spotted me.
When I didn’t hear him he tugged my “hair” instead. To my horror he pulled my wig clean off.
I shoved it back on and ran to the toilets where I burst into tears.
“I’m so, so sorry,” my friend kept saying. I didn’t blame him for what had happened. But I’ve never been so embarrassed.
My confidence was boosted when another guy asked me out but when he dumped me on the second date, my self-esteem hit an all-time low.
“I just can’t handle the fact you wear a wig,” he admitted.
His words made me feel as though I were a complete freak. It was ages before I had the courage to try dating again. Then, I decided to use the internet - it was easier to meet blokes that way, especially as I had Callum at home.
I soon got chatting online to a 22-year-old bloke named Lee Fenn.
His messages made me laugh. We spent hours emailing each other and I began to feel hopeful about the future.
It was three months before we finally arranged to meet up in person, in November 2006.
I have to admit that I hadn’t told him about the wig as I was petrified it would scare him off. Our first date went like a dream. Lee was everything I’d hoped he’d be.
We started spending more time together and I kept meaning to tell him my secret. Weeks passed and I still hadn’t got round to telling Lee.
Then, one weekend, I took him to meet my nana. My auntie Rita was there, too.
“So, has Lisa told you about her problem with her hair?” she asked.
‘No,” Lee replied, frowning in my direction.
“I’ll explain everything later,” I told him, as my aunt steered me into the kitchen to apologise.
But it didn’t matter - she’d made my job easier. There was no getting away from it now.
Back at our hotel I took a deep breath and blurted out: “I’m bald.”
“I kind of knew something was wrong,” Lee said. He persuaded me to take off my wig and show him what I really looked like.
Trembling, I took the wig off - expecting him to dash for the door.
“I still think you’re gorgeous,” he smiled, studying my head.
I breathed a big sigh of relief, it was an amazing feeling to have finally found a man who accepted me for who I am.
We’ve been going out for more than a year now and living together for 11 months. In that time, Lee has totally changed the way I feel about myself.
I’ve joined a gym and started looking after myself again. I still wear my wig when I’m out but, behind closed doors, I often don’t bother.
I didn’t even mind when Callum pulled my wig off at his fourth birthday party. Now I’d love to be able to afford treatment for hair replacement but it’s so expensive it’s just a distant dream.
However, I’m trying to raise funds - I can’t give up hope that, one day, I’ll have a head of hair again. But, for the time being, if I’m young, sexy and bald then so be it.
I don’t care who knows it. Lee helped me see that I may not have hair but I’m all woman.
Lee Says: “Out of all the girls I met online, she was the one who stood out the most. In many ways, we were like two peas in a pod.
“On our first date I took Lisa to a club. I felt her hair brush against my cheek when we were on the dancefloor together.
“It didn’t feel right somehow but I didn’t say anything. I just let it go. That’s why when Lisa told me what her problem was I wasn’t overly surprised.
“When she took off her wig for the first time I was a little shocked but it didn’t affect the way I felt about her. I still fancied her like mad.
“I’m used to seeing Lisa without her wig now. She may look different without it on but, the way I see it, that doesn’t change her personality, or who she is inside.”
AS TOLD TO KELLY STRANGE
>>Original article can be Viewed Here
Technorati Tags: alopecia areata, suicide, womens hair loss
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Sarah 01.13.08 at 9:17 pm
Something tells me her hair loss is hormonal. The fact she regrew her hair when she was pregnant then lost it again after giving birth. That is so fascinating. Somebody in the medical profession needs to do a case study on her! Glad she’s happy and healthy!
admin 01.17.08 at 9:14 am
Hi Sarah,
It is always good to hear when women have made peace with their hair loss and are moving on. It gives me hope that I can be in that place myself someday. Do you know several women have found this site by searching for “i want to kill myself because of my hair loss” that makes me so sad. It shows how hair loss rips women to pieces. The medical community doesn’t seem to understand that and the callus doctors that say “it’s just hair loss, it won’t kill you” need to take a closer look at what it really does to us.
~Y
Cindie 02.11.08 at 9:54 pm
GOD BLESS YOU, HONEY! You’re a brave woman.
Peace and Blessings, always.
heather 02.12.08 at 4:43 am
Hang in there, Julie. I don’t know you, but I love you. Reading Lisa’s story and the comments just brought me to tears.
It’s so true that those who don’t know REALLY don’t know. They have no idea. I was having a particularly “bald day” today, ie having a hard time arranging my hair to cover up the loss, and one of the clients at my internship asked if I have cancer! I wanted to die on the spot.
I wish I knew what to say… just know that we care about you, all of us. *hug*
Shanlaree 02.12.08 at 5:47 am
Lisa,
I too was brought to tears by reading your struggle. I have spent several nights crying not wanting to have this issue and asking the Universe to test me and help me grow in a different way. I want to share an email that my dad sent me while I was not coming out of my room for 24 hours. I was sooo depressed and upset I
got Shingles and strep throat on top of it. Yes and that shocked my system so much that it actually help
me realize that life is worth living and an on line community like this can help and support you. You are our fellow sister and we love you through knowing the pain you bare. You can make it through this! This is hard but you can move through this. I would also suggest coming to this site and reading and chatting with us girls that know your pain. Please visit this site often. We are here for you. You are not alone!
ShanLaree
Shanlaree 02.12.08 at 5:50 am
….letting the Universe guide your energy flow….
Wanted to share an email my dad sent to me. It was sent to me at just the right time and means the world to me and I wanted to share it with you Lisa!
——————–
Hope you’re doing better and better….letting the Universe guide your energy flow….remembering that “you” or “I” are really just a formation of particles attracted together for a period of time within this bigger energy field called the Universe or God and not separate from it.
Don’t forget to pay attention to this “inner you” and actually “feel it” and its bigger connection to the Universe deep inside you as you go about your business of the day. ….
I love you. Feel my arms around you….my energy field vibrating with yours….in peace and love…we are never alone.
Sending you a healing hug now!!
Shanlaree 02.12.08 at 4:32 pm
Julie,
Sorry for the name confusion. I wrote two comments to you but calling you Lisa, I beg your forgiveness ;o). I hope you are feeling better today and please know that we all care!
Shanlaree
sheila 03.23.08 at 9:39 am
has anyone heard of PCOS, polysystic ovarian syndrome?It is a hormonal imbalance,and also insulin resistance that causes female pattern baldness and hair loss, anyway chek out this site for more info…
http://pcos.insulitelabs.com/
hope that helps…read the testimonials,and see the symptoms, irregular periods, extra hair where you dont want it, but hair loss on your head like a man gets. it is hormonally related, a cause of allopecia and general hair loss in females, see how she GOT HER HAIR when she was pregnant, the hormones are all wacked out…please view the site for info
Karen 08.02.08 at 7:46 pm
2 weeks ago, my brother shot himself because he lived a tortured existence worrying about his hair loss. I know now that he must have had body dysmophic disorder. We are still grieving harshly.
So with kindness I say to you who are suffering, be sure first of all that you really have hair loss and are not dealing with a mis-perception about your hair.
Secondly, a person’s worth and value have nothing to do with hair. You are precious and your hair or lack of it has nothing to do with how priceless,unique and important you are.
Third, my heart goes out to anyone who has to feel so bad. I ache for you because I know it is very hard to deal with.
And finally, I saw a young woman on tv recently who was totally bald. I think she shaved her head on purpose. She was wearing loop earrings and nicely made up and she looked funky, cool, edgy and totally gorgeous. With no hair at all.
And you are beautiful too! To you brave and beautiful people I say, enjoy life and to hell with anyone who doesn’t like the way you look. They aren’t perfect themselves.
admin 08.04.08 at 10:45 am
Dear Karen,
Please accept my sincere condolences and deepest sympathy on the passing of your brother. I am so so sorry.
I very much appreciate you reaching out to others to tell them that our lives are more valuable than our hair. I have read more than once, the stories of women who consider suicide because of their hair loss, because the pain is so deep they cannot see an end to their suffering. I’ve heard from women who have had cancer and said losing their hair was way worst than cancer. Hard to imagine, but it is how deep it cuts us and affects our self image.
I am incredibly saddened by what has happened. I wish I had more to say, I am sort of at a loss for words, again I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
~Y
Tricia 08.14.08 at 5:05 pm
After reading all of your struggles, I felt like I had to post a comment. I have not suffered from baldness as many of you have or are experiencing now, but my 15 year old daughter has alopecia ariata (I don’t know if the spelling is correct). She is beginning her 1st year of high school and is completely bald, with no eyebrows and over the summer her eyelashes fell out as well. She has been to doctor after doctor, lab after lab with so many blood tests taken that she said she feels like a pin cushion and doesn’t want to do it any more. I watched her tonight at her high school open house, she walked into that building with her head high and looking people directly in the eye,almost daring them to ask. She is a brave, beautiful young lady whom I am proud to call my daughter. It breaks my heart everyday to think about her suffering at not only the words or actions of others, but her own feelings of shame or depression due to her hair loss. I ask her if it bothers her, if people make fun of her, etc…she says no, people think she is just wierd and shaved it herself, or they think she has cancer, she usually isn’t shy about telling people when they ask.
What I believe this is doing for my daughter is teaching her to see beyond the surface of people and be more accepting of others, no matter what she might see on the outside.
She still has a great personality, outrageous sense of humor and can out-think her mother or most anyone else in the room at any time. My daughter has chosen not to wear wigs, she is afraid that it would fall off, she said that would be worse for her than just being bald in the first place. I have respected her wishes there, I have also offered to cut my hair and make it into a wig for her..she wouldn’t take that either. Sorry this was so long…but I just felt the need to share.
I’m so sorry to hear all of the tragic stories that were posted, and all of you are in my prayers.
I will definately pay attention to my daughter, to make sure the great attitude that she has now doesn’t stop once she enters high school, thank you all for opening my eyes to how truly damaging this can be to a person’s self-esteem.
Jodie 04.25.09 at 6:20 pm
Hi there,
I have alopecia caused from shock after I was hit by a van cycling to work. I can relate, as it is hard to feel you don’t have control over this aspect of your appearance, and it is distressing when the hair loss continues.
I find yoga really helps. The focus in a class setting is on the internal gaze, so people aren’t staring at you but are focussed inward. Its peaceful, and it helps with self-esteem to be building the body.
I am so glad this site is here to reduce the isolation women and girls can experience around this disorder.
Thank you to everyone for sharing so generously.
Best,
Jodie
James 07.12.09 at 9:25 pm
Karen
Please accept my sincere condolences and deepest sympathy on the passing of your brother.
The truth is I have been thinking about doing the same thing your brother did when i decided to google the internet for a support group and this site was the first one I found. I hope no one minds if I gain some support by reading about how women feel because I have
similar emotions. I read a book called “I Will not Be Broken -5 steps to overcome a life crisis ” by Jerry White. The book helped me with my depression and my be helpful to someone out there. One quote in the book by the Dalai Lama is ” there is no ‘us’ and ‘them’ There is no ‘we’ and ‘they’ All are one” Thank you for this project
Jessica 08.27.09 at 6:36 am
Hi, I am going through the horror of this image altering nightmare.
My hair has gone from being average thickness to extremely thin
in one year. The hairs anagen phase (growth phase) lasts only a month or two
on average, meaning the hair is very short. I hate the image in the
mirror and I’m learning to abhor myself.
I just found this sight after googling “hair gone suicide”. I am thinking
about suicide as a way to stop the agony and self hatred. I know
this must sound ludicrous as yes, ‘it’s only hair’, but it’s
wrecked my self image and effecting my spirit in such a destructive
manner. So I know how you all feel and as tears well my eyes
I feel stronger knowing that there are others who bare the same
pain as I.
What to do know? Maybe shave my head and wear a wig. The image
is horrible as I imagine the wig stand beside the bed. The nylon
threaded through hessian and the ichyness on my scalp in the heat
of the sun. I suppose it fades into oblivion when compared to
a new paraplegic who faces the idea of a wheelchair until death.
A wig on a wig stand until death! I wish I had a sinead o’conner
head with looks to boot but my scull is rather cone shaped oh
what a mess.
Thanks for listening and thank you for this space to
direct my grievence.
Btw I know I can’t kill myself because I don’t have the
courage or the strengh. I admire people who do and believe
it is our right todo so but would never recommend it to anyone.
I just wish I had the strengh.
Janeviv 08.27.09 at 6:12 pm
Hi Jessica. I know exactly how you feel. I have been up all night, my anxiety going through the roof. I am 44yo and have had hairloss for my entire adult life but had under control untill last few weeks. Now my hair is shedding excesively and there are bald spots developing where there weren’t before. I fantasised about killing myself last night but I just cant co’s I have a 16yo son who lost his dad 2yrs ago to cancer. I’m all he has, so I just cant. If I didn’t have him, who knows what i’d do. I probably would just continue searching for a solution and maybe top myself if I found out there would never be one!!! no seriously, you dont know what may happen. I developed bald spots in my 20’s and was devestated but got hormonal treatment that stopped it getting worse. In my 30’s i started using coloured hairspray to hide the baldspots and has worked well until now, I’m shedding again and beginning to freak out. I’m thinking of trying a laser comb, they are much cheaper on ebay. goodluck, dont give up : )
jj 01.10.10 at 10:10 pm
I always come back to this site when I’m feeling down about my hair loss…I have been thinking a lot about suicide . That is how I ended up on here again. I am in my twenties and have been slowly been losing my hair for about five years now. It is so horriable how I feel. I feel lost unwanted ugly and alone. I am also married and very worried that my husband will find me unattractive when I loose all of my hair. I just want to say that this site makes me feel a little less alone….and that I am thankful for it
Melissa 01.27.10 at 10:30 pm
I have mixed feelings right now about reading all these stories and comments. My hair loss has definitely caused some major depression, but I hate the idea of taking drugs to fix it, especially when I see how this drug or that drug can cause it to get worse . . . Lately the thinning seems to be worse, and I feel like everyone who looks at me at work is seeing my hair loss and not me. I don’t think I could ever actually take my own life, but I often think it would be a blessing to just not have to deal with it anymore. I’m 31, and single, and while I don’t think having a man in my life is the answer to everything, it’s something I very much want, and a recent letdown in the romance department makes me think that this whole hair thing is the beginning of a long lonely and depressing lifestyle.
When I get on here and read everyone else’s stories, sometimes I feel really encouraged, and at other times I just get more depressed. Tonight, thankfully, I think I’m a little more encouraged. I always learn a little more when I come here. Ideas and thoughts to take to my doctor to try to figure it out and maybe fix it if it’s fixable, or at least identify it so I can move on. Here’s to hoping for the best, for myself and for all of you.
Amy 01.28.10 at 11:35 pm
hi i have lost most of my long full hair due to chronic disability and several autoimmune disorders including Rheumatoid arthritis, migraines severe, sjogrens syndrome, severe osteoporosis - seven surgeries for endometriosis, adhesions, cysts, heavy periods, 2 blood transfussions age 15 and 21 , scleroderma, tendonitis, bunions both feet , erosions feet from arthritis, depresion, abuse, alcoholic husband and raise son by myself with no help, urinary incontinence, celiac disease, malabsorption syndrome, hypoglycemis, the hair loss is mostly from my recent trial of arava for my rheumatoid arthritis which is classified as severe. i am 34. i have bald spots and it is so short i cant look at myself, dr. doesnt know if it will grow back/ i can relate i hate every day is there anyway someone like me can get a wig or help with love locks? does a wig help hair grow faster or does anyone have tips i am so desperate. ; (