Like I mentioned in another past post, one of the things I do when I’m struggling a lot with my hair loss (such as now) and the shedding is so extreme, is that I shower in the dark. I waited yesterday for the night to come so I could shower. I can’t bear to see the hair falling out all over the place and stuck between my hands, it is too much torment for myself. Needless to say I also comb my hair in the dark as well. Quickly combing through what is left my hair, scooping up the pile that fell out, and making a beeline straight for the toilet where I put to rest my fallen hairs. It didn’t overly depress me as it sometimes can, I guess my mind was a little stronger yesterday. That is just how it goes. Some days I’m stronger with my hair loss and others I am so wrought with depression and sadness. I am thankful for the stronger days, I pray for more of those days all the time.
Filed under hair loss, hair shedding, hair thinning, shedding, shower, womens hair loss
Posted by admin on Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
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5 Responses to “A Shower In The Dark - One Of My Hair Loss Rituals”
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October 3rd, 2007 at 5:53 pm
You said “some days I’m stronger with my hair loss” - I totally get that. I actually was thinking about that just today before I got online. Today was a hard day for me- but last week I was fine. You know it’s funny what sets you off, too. Today it was when I was standing in my dinning room that has mirrors on the walls and the light was just right as it hit the top of my scalp (and it began gleaming!). I began to play with my hair to cover it up better. I’ve got to get those mirrors removed! I hope to one day be as far as many of these women. I’m sadly rock back in forth from the denial phase to the depression phase.
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Amy, I’m so sorry you are going through a tough time today. After I wrote that post yesterday the rest of the day went down hill FAST, I was stronger in the morning and then the daily dealings of hair loss got the best of me and I was crying uncontrollably on and off, my fiance was trying to console me. It was awful. I know about the mirrors and the lights, I actually prefer when the bulbs in the house burn out and everything is dim… sort of goes along with how I live my life since hair loss… in the dark. Funny story though about mirrors… this was years ago, I was living with my fiance at his father’s house and I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirrors anymore so I threw towels and sheets all over the mirrors in the bedroom and our bathroom and my fiance walked in horrified, he said we had to take those down immediately because his dad would drop dead… apparently in the Jewish religion the covering of mirrors is a sign of mourning, that someone died! oops… how would I know, I’m catholic.
I hope things get better for you, if I could I would give you a big hug. I wish there was more I could say or do to help you. I hope it is of some small comfort to know that you are not alone. We are all at different emotional phases of our hair loss. I like to liken it to the 5 stages of grief and mourning:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
I’d say I’m past denial, anger and I’m teetering between bargaining and depression. On the upside Acceptance is one step away
Maybe take a bulb out of your dining room (?) Nothing wrong with eating in a dim room, it would be like dining in a dimly lit restaurant. I really hope you will have a better day tomorrow.
-Y
October 6th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
In the past when my hair started to fall out to that extent, I just shaved it all off. I like to shave it off for two reasons:
1. It puts me in control of the situation so I am no longer the victim of hair loss.
2. It forces me past denial. It’s pretty hard to deny that you’re losing your hair if you shave yourself bald.
Watching your hair wash down the drain or come out in a comb in clumps is emotional torture.
And, Amy, just think about Elmer Fudd when his head gleamed after a good buffing - it’s funny that mine does that too. Thinking about myself in the same vein as Elmer Fudd makes me laugh in spite of myself. Try it out some time.
Shave your hair off. You’ll feel better. Plus being totally bald allows wigs to fit better. And there are so many cute and trendy wigs anymore. Let me know if you need to know where to find one. Good luck!
November 16th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
All I can say is that I understand. I’m crying as I write this. I wish my identity weren’t so connected to my hair. It’s even harder, because I have an identical twin sister whose hair is thick and beautiful.
I sometimes wonder if the antibiotics I take for Rosacea are causing the hair loss.
November 16th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Dear Larx - I’m so sorry for your pain which I feel in your words. I’ve lived with hair loss for so long now and I know how hard it can be be, I feel like I cried all the way through my 20’s. Hair loss can make you feel alone and isolated, but you are not alone in this. All your feelings and thoughts are felt by so many other women on this blog as well. I definitely think hair loss changes us, it robs us of who we were, but it doesn’t have to end there… we can take back that part we lost and become stronger because of what we have gone through. I accept myself a lot more now even though just today I looked at myself in the mirror and acknowledged to myself how very very thin and sparse my hair has become. But I didn’t dwell it, not today anyways, and that is progress for me. I can imagine how hard it must be for you because you have twin who still has all her hair. I feel pain just from looking at former images of myself, so I deeply understand how you must feel cheated.
How long have you been losing your hair? I was looking up some of the common antibiotics used for Rosacea such as tetracycline hydrochloride, minocycline, and doxycycline and none of them listed hair loss as a side effect. I read on some sites that antibiotics can cause temporary hair loss, but there really wasn’t much on it. So I don’t know the validity of it.
You are not alone in this. Sometimes writing is healing and I’m so glad you wrote and shared a part of your story. Welcome to the site.
~Y