Yesterday I was talking to my mom on the phone and she was telling me about a little girl she saw at the store that reminded her of me as a kid. She said “the little girl had really really thick auburn hair, lots and lots of hair, very long and pretty.” She also reminded me how I used to lay my head on her lap and she would brush my long thick hair. *sigh* That is certainly a harmless comment, except I no longer have that super thick hair, and haven’t for quite sometime, so it still hurt me and brought me down ever so briefly. I used to have that insanely thick hair, even as a 3 year old my bangs were thicker than all of the hair I have today. Oddly enough at around age 3 I had red hair even though there are no red heads in my family. That color changed over the years, until I dyed it fire engine red when I was 18. I’m glad I did that and enjoyed my hair during the those years. Looking back at old pictures of my firey red hair, I feel sadness and loss, but I take a deep breath and say “that is then, this is now, moving forward.”
I’m a different person today because of my hair loss, I’m more understanding, compassionate, non judgmental and more patient. I’ve pondered the meaning of beauty and of strength. I’ve come to realize I can’t control everything, but what I can control is my outlook, and how I let “uncontrollable” things affect me. It’s a work in progress 🙂
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