Randy Pausch

Letting My Hair Down... How bout a little inspirationSo this weekend I decided to let my hair down… literally. I usually just pull it back, but Sunday I had to go to an event that required that I look more proper, a little more put together. Also for the outfit I was wearing I thought it would look so much nicer with my hair down. So for the first time in a long time I did the “hair routine.” I have avoided doing it for quite sometime because it seemed pointless. My hair is so thin and lifeless that the less time I spend working on it the better. If you haven’t already read it in one of my past postings, the hair routine usually takes about 1 – 1 1/2 hours and involves the use of a thickening shampoo and conditioner, then the use of a defrizzer that is applied after I’ve combed through my wet hair, then a thickening agent, and then I use a giant roll brush and blowdryer to make my hair look fuller. The final thing is the use of a flat iron to smooth it out.

Part of why I hate wearing it down is because it feels like nothing is there, I can’t feel the weight of my hair anymore, I haven’t for quite sometime, but it’s even worse now. I sucked it up anyways. You know what, most of those people I saw on Sunday didn’t have any idea I was losing my hair… I was able to perform hair magic one more time. I didn’t see any wandering eyes drifting upwards to stare at my thinning hair. I do look like a person with thin hair, but to them they probably thought it was just naturally thin. Even with that I still consider shaving my head because it is complete torture to lose 500+ hairs on some days. That is the type of extreme shedding that has started the last couple years, mainly the last year. I do think it is getting a little better now for whatever reason. Hair is cyclical and maybe I’m finally on the upswing. *fingers crossed*

But there is more…So after I finally made it through Sunday with the hair down, I kept it down, after all that effort I wanted to squeeze out another day of trying to feel normal. My fiance made a comment that I seemed so much more confident and social with my hair down, that I was like a different person. That makes sense, I hate wearing my hair up all the time, and I’m always feeling self conscious so I never have a chance to really be me. Monday night we out to a nice dinner and then went to a blues club to listen to music and have drinks. For a split second I sort of forgot about everything and enjoyed myself. I haven’t done that in a really really long time. It felt wonderful. Those moments are few and far between and I really appreciated it. In fact I told my fiance I wanted to start doing that at least once a week, get dressed up have a nice dinner, listen to some music… be normal. Even if I have to go with my hair pulled back in a not so attractive manner, I want to live life. [click to continue…]