I didn’t choose hair loss, it chose me.
I battled for years. I felt I had lost, I felt withdrawn and depressed and a feeling of absolutely no hope. I suffered tremendously as I saw myself fade away and was confronted with a reflection of a person I no longer knew. Not just in the change of appearance as a result from hair loss, but rather just in the change in me.
I finally let go.
I let go of hoping my former self would come back, that all my hair would return, but rather accepted what was and is and took steps to do what I could to help myself.
I wear a wig.
That lone sentence by itself almost seems like it’s a part of my lost battle, but rather it was the winning move and it is what enabled me to move forward and move past the former years of depression and self loathing. It is a sentence of victory. In those 4 words, you may not see it, but it’s acceptance and an understanding that life is ever changing. WE are always changing, and what was 2 seconds ago is already the past.
We may not want to be on this road we have found ourselves on, but we are here, so we best keep walking and exploring onwards. No point in doing what I did, which was find a rock and hide under it hoping that a miracle would save me.
In the years since having started The WHLP, I have seen women come and go, and make such bold moves and decisions to reclaim themselves. Shaving their heads, wearing wigs, bonded toppers, or just accepting what was there and deciding to no longer worry about it. I often just sat paralyzed under my rock, wondering why I could not move forward. What was wrong with ME? Why was I so resistant ? I suppose I just didn’t want to give up on my hair, though it clearly had given up on me long ago. I held it in the highest regard, but forgot that I was really just holding onto a memory, something that was, and no longer ever could or would be again. I put my former bio hair on a pedestal, and then prayed along side it. Doing that only kept me still, stuck in quick sand and not progressing. Now I put my hair on a mannequin and blow it kisses as I walk by
I say F U to my hair loss and I deny it the right to steal anymore years. We are so much more than our hair.
We choose our happiness. We choose how we deal with life’s twists and turns. I didn’t choose hair loss, but I made a plethora of choices since then, many of which involved massive pity parties, to which I was the only attendee.
Maybe one day I’ll shave my head, and that will be a choice. Or maybe I’ll just end up having a wig room like Phyllis Diller, OR maybe I’ll do both. Who knows what the future holds.
Only one thing is certain, I know I will no longer allow myself to be a prisoner to my hair loss. Yes, I’m sure there will be up’s and downs as I continue on this path I was placed upon, but I am no longer fearful, I know I will be okay.
As Morgan Freeman so eloquently stated in the movie Shawshank Redemption, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”
Love To All!