This is so emotional that I am crying as I type this out. I don’t know any better way to sort through my feelings than just writing it all down.

Hummm.. where do I start? Well, I recently turned 34 and after living with androgenetic alopecia for 13 years, I decided to look into the mirror and say to myself, “When? If not now, when?” That question I posed to myself was in relation to asking myself how many more years of my life will I spend not being able to be who I really want to be, portray myself how I want to portray myself and to just feel comfortable in my own skin. How many more years will I play musical chairs at the dinner table to avoid the brightest overhead lightening or run past my reflection wherever it may appear? How many more years will I shutter at the sight of myself in a public bathroom mirror or think how much better I would look WITH more hair?  More hair, the old hair, the old me… so far gone it’s hard to remember that person, it’s hard to remember what it is like to really have hair. How many more years will I sacrifice to “just getting by?” I have lost way more than 3/4 of the hair I started with and I have been just working with what I have, albeit still being able to pull off a thin hair gal look most of the time. I think most people probably just think I have thin hair naturally, or at least I hope that is the image I give off.

I’ve just grown to accept the thin sorry wisps of hair that crown my head, all while the hairs continue to say adios to me throughout the day, falling here, there and everywhere.  What am I afraid of? What do I have to loose to just move forward and make the leap into wearing hair? Ultimately, for me, the holy grail has always been to wear bonded hair, which I would remove weekly for cleanup and reattachment. But, I’m way too much of a scaredy cat to just make that happen immediately, so I decided to get my feet wet first by trying to work with some human hair wigs. Wigs, oh my god! The whole thing is so confusing, this cap, that cap, lace, no lace, glueless lace, mono, multi-directional, clips, combs, velcro… time for some wine. [click to continue…]