Oh The Horror of Being Referred To As Having Very Fine Hair

by admin on December 3, 2007

Oh the horror of being referred to as having very fine hairSo yesterday was suppose to be a nice relaxing Sunday. I had the day planned with my mom, we were going to go to the spa in the morning, have lunch and do some shopping. Well for my spa treatment I chose a massage. I told the massage therapist I didn’t like having my head rubbed, I don’t go into any explanation or anything, I just leave it at that. I think everyone can pretty much understand why I wouldn’t want my scalp massaged, I don’t even like touching my own head, I just tie in a pony tail and leave it there till I wash it.

So there we are, I’m feeling relaxed enjoying my massage and we are nearing the end when the therapist tells me he had another woman who told him she didn’t like her head touched either because she had a bad experience where her hair was pulled. He says, “I think it is because your hair is so very fine that you don’t like your head to be rubbed, it’s probably more sensitive.” UHHHHH. I felt so awful after that. Someone should have snapped a picture of my face because words can’t describe the utter shock and horror I felt. I don’t think he meant to be cruel and MAYBE he was saying fine as in naturally baby fine hair, but it hurt like crazy. Really put a damper on my morning. I tried to push past and just enjoy my Sunday with my mom, and I did, but I kept staring at my hair in the rear view mirror of the car, his words echoing in my head. It’s not often you actually get told to your face how thin your hair is **Sigh. I know it, I know it’s thin, but I don’t my reality being told and thrown at me by complete strangers, I have a mirror for that. Tell me I’m fat, tell me I’m short, tell me I’m too skinny, tell me you hate my clothes, but whatever you do please don’t tell me my hair is thin!

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathy December 3, 2007 at 5:41 pm

Maybe it was just an innocent remark and he didn’t understand how it would affect you.

admin December 3, 2007 at 5:45 pm

Hi Kathy – you are right, I do believe it was meant to be an innocent remark, but still it is hard to hear, particularly when I used to be told how thick my hair was. The hair dresser used had to thin it out when I was younger otherwise it take all day for my hair to dry. I work so hard to try and move forward and let go, and innocent comments like that just really pull me back a couple steps thats all and remind me once again that my thin hair is apparent to not only me but everyone else around me as well.

Canadian girl December 3, 2007 at 8:42 pm

Wow, I have to tell you, I’ve been there too!
I work with women and they always say how ‘fine’ my hair is and I know what they really mean is ‘thin’! It hurts because really we all hope deep down that no one will notice but us, and when someone makes a comment like that it means they noticed ;-( I hate people touching my head or hair too – I mean It’s bad enough that I make them fall out when I wash and brush! The massage therapist made an ignorant remark, probably not on purpose but still unprofessional. Hang in there, and just try to remember that it’s hard for other people to understand how upsetting it is to have ‘thin’ hair because they’ve never been there. Thats what I always tell myself when I’m in a situation like yous ;-)

admin December 3, 2007 at 9:16 pm

Hey Canadian GIrl, isn’t it rough hearing those words. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that with the people you work with. I strive to just live my life and not overly focus on my hair, a nearly impossible task but I try nonetheless, and a comment from a stranger about my “fine” hair is like someone just pushing me down reminding me of my reality. I know he didn’t mean anything by it, just an “observation” on his part.

You know, I interact with men and women everyday who are losing their hair. But I make a very conscious effort to never ever let my eyes drift upwards, not even once. I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable because I know what that feels like, to feel like your scalp is on display, to feel uncomfortable in your own skin. I just wish sometimes people thought a little more before they spoke.

Mira December 4, 2007 at 8:01 am

I too have had these words thrown at me many times and it really hurts to hear them as I guess we do secretly hope that no one notices. The worst thing is that you feel that you are standing out – I played soccer with some girls last night and I was the only one wearing a headscarf as my hair loss is really obvious when I start to sweat. I wish we could see more images of women with “thin’ hair around us so that we don’t feel like such freaks. By the way, I love this site and try and check it every day as is a source of info/comfort to me but I do wish you would use less pics of women with fab hair :)

admin December 4, 2007 at 8:09 am

Hi Mira – It’s so funny you said that about the pictures because When I first started looking for pics I was looking for pics that had women with more naturally thinner hair, but the pickings for that are really slim in the “stock photo” world :( Pictures make the posts look better otherwise the text sort of just looks like it all runs together.

I hear you about feeling like you are standing out. Some days I feel more down that others and feel like everyone is staring. If I have to go out I make sure it’s all very rushed. I think I wrote in a past post how I do something I call l “speed shopping.” I grab the shopping cart at the store and basically sprint around it throwing stuff in the cart trying to get out in under 5 minutes. It’s really quite a sight and although my intention was to get out and in without being noticed, who cannot notice some crazed thin hair girl running around the supermarket like she was being chased by an alien!

Thanks for the positive feedback on the site, it really makes be happy to know that women are getting something from it, at the very least just knowing we aren’t alone. Oh and I’ll try to look for better pics :)

gypsy December 4, 2007 at 10:00 am

so sorry you went threw that? ive been there too ! i dont even og to a hair salon to cut my hair i cut it myself…it grows really slow so i trim it a little ever so often..
hey candian girl where are you from and have you had any luck finding treatements in canada…we only have one dermatologist here so my options are few… she jsut said to take rogain and spiraldactone, and vitamine … how about you??? i dont think canadien docs take this hair loss thing very seriously…????
gypsy

Anne December 4, 2007 at 11:38 am

Hey Canadian girl. So sorry. I know how yo feel. Look up Dr David Derry and Thyroid. He is great at helping with hair loss

Canadian girl December 4, 2007 at 7:18 pm

Hi Gypsy and Anne,
I’ve actually been meaning to write my ‘hair loss story’ for this site and for the other Canadian gals ;-) I live in Ottawa and suffered my hair loss last spring. My doctor took it very seriously (he’s fantastic) and ran every test under the sun and agreed to all extra testing that I requested ( FSH test, ultrasound of ovaries ect… on top of hormone, thyroid test, levels ect…) My doctor immediately booked an appointment with a dermatologist, this was back in September and the first available appointment was end of February! So needless to say we have a dermatologist shortage here in Ottawa and I haven’t had my appointment yet ;-) I am anxious to find out if I have T.E., T.A. or Alopetia. I also went to a hair loss and wig store called Caralyn’s here in town and checked out all of their hair loss items and tried on wigs (which I found reassuring because if my hair becomes a total lost cause I know they carry a human hair wig that looks and feels EXACTLY like my own hair) I will try to get my story posted in more detail here soon… where do you girls live? Chat soon…. Canadian girl

Mira December 6, 2007 at 1:13 am

Point taken about pics :) As soon as I posted I wondered how many pics of women with thin hair were out there on the net. By googling I found lots of pics of thin women with hair but no pics of women with thin hair! It is amazing how under-represented we are in the media, maybe it’s because we hide ourselves away? I know that I do my best to avoid being photographed. Where I live at the moment, there is a culture of photographers taking photos at weddings and printing out loads of pics for all the guests to buy on the spot. I went to one where I was photographed in the sunshine looking almost bald! Needless to say I bought up all his pics just to get them out of circulation:)

gypsy December 6, 2007 at 10:36 am

hi canadian girl!
im from ontario, sudbury..and yes we havee a very big shortage of derms here to we only ahve one!!!!

my appointment is in feb tooo….ive been to see her once , only told me to try rogain5% and put me on spiraltacton and told me to take vitamines…she did no test at that time…. so im hoping this time she will run some blood work and mabey take a scalp biopsy…or mabey she can put me on propecia ? just to try it and see if it works on me?????my familly doc didnt take it seriously at all jsut told me i was getting old… do you belive that , i was 29 at the time!!!ive been to see a hair transplnat doc already, and that is an option…but i would really like to hear someone diagnose me first….and mabey there will be a less painful options first to try before i go under the knife so to speak…..my gyno checked me for PCOS she says the test came out negative but that doesnt mean i dont have it??? so confused on that one,and i also did an ultrasound…which was negative..so confused!!!!!ive tried every snake oil out there..but with no deffinate diagnoses i dont know which one might be working if any?
im presently trying to find vichy’s dercos aminexils vilesto try that but they dont seem to sell here…what are some treatment you’ve tried?????im so fustrated, i feel like im going in circles for the last 10 years….but i refuse to give up, some days are tuff…
anyway nice to talk to a fellow canadian, as well as all the other ladies too…
gypsy

admin December 6, 2007 at 7:54 pm

Hi Gypsy – you mentioned not going to a salon to get your hair cut because of your hair loss, I have been there too. I do an “annual” cut with a woman I confided my problem to at a local salon. She is very understanding and kind about it. I’ve forced myself to go to the salon once a year so I can feel normal, but she has offered to do house calls which I think I may start taking her up on. Trimming your hair even when you have hair loss is important, the little trims I get once a year make a difference. Once all the very thinned ends are trimmed up a couple inches my hair looks thicker, if thats even possible any more. Thick for me anyways :) Hard to do though. Geting up the courage to walk into a salon where woman are having so much fun styling and dying their hair, without a clue has to many of the female hair loss population lives. Not that it matters to me much but I haven’t dyed my hair since I was 18, I’d be scared to death it would worsen my condition. I suppose being a blonde just wasn’t in the cards for me :)

admin December 6, 2007 at 8:08 pm

Hey Mira – under represented in the media is right. There are celebrities who have hair loss, but they usually wear high end wigs and hair extensions and no one would be none the wiser. Not trying to out any celebrities here, but I’m a huge King of Queens fan and I’ve seen every epsiode several times since it began and I noticed Leah Remini’s hair started to thin dramatically. I look at all the signs from temporal thinness to diameter of ponytail. She started wearing hair, really really good quality hair and towards the end of the shows she had this long flowing gorgeous hair, but I’ve caught photos in tabloids and also did a search for her online and found images that clearly showed she had some hair loss. Same is true for Paula Abdul, although I think the whole world knows she wears a lot hair extensions. These are not facts, just my observation. None of this really matters, but for some reason it helps in accepting it more, or at least for me, when I see that female celebrities also have hair loss. Those women are talented and gorgeous, I’m just so obsessed with hair I notice every little follicle on all women on television.

You made me smile when you told me your story about the culture photographer in your area. I’d do the same thing! :) I hate pictures where it can easily be seen how recessed and thin my temporal region is (i’m usually wearing a ponytail at all events) The camera can be so cruel at times. There is one pic that is standing out in my mind that was taken of me and my dog last July and I was horrified at what I saw, it looks like deep craters of baldness on the sides of my head *sigh* Needless to say i take less and less photos nowadays.

~Y

Gee January 4, 2008 at 6:52 am

i’ve had a girl come up to me and touch the hair at the back of my head ( i had a french braid on) and say ..hey you’ve got thin hair dont you ? ..- well thank you for stating that now . It’s not like i already didn’t know that :) I’m only 17 and i really just find it too hard to bear sometimes .and then when i died half my hair purple , it caught the attention of people and i felt like all they ever saw was how thin my hair was , now its back to brown .. i loved my purple hair but it was a stupid move since i lost more hair. I still get annoyed when someone says it to my face ” your hair is too thin “

Puja January 10, 2008 at 11:43 am

The one thing i am terribly insecure about is my thin hair. I cant believe how unbelievably unlucky i am in this department. I hardly ever see a girl complain about the thinness of her hair . I always had thin fine hair (thanks to my dad) but when i was 16 yrs old, it kinda became apparent. Maybe stress of my studies or whatever , i dont know ..but suddenly i started having thinning around my temples . My hair was anyway very fine but it just got thinner more around the temples . So, if i didnt take care , it would show. This has continued for 10 yrs now and i have found no remedy till date. I have tried all topical applications – minoxidil , etc.., tried multi-vitamins, many hair loss treatments including the latest aromatherapy oils , taken homeopathic medicines , no luck anywhere…now i am thinking of getting hair extentions or texturising which is like fusing hair to hair to make it look fuller. ..its expensive and lasts 6 months , but i just want to feel my hair bounce around me just once at least in my life….I hardly ever go to saloons to cut my hair ..its just too embarrasing for me..I hate the way everyone around me keeps going to color their hair and get new hairstyles every few months or so…IT MAKES ME FEEL SOOO LOW !!!

Rachel March 3, 2009 at 6:41 pm

I am the only person in my female group of friends that has a receding hairline and thinning hair that gets worse every year, and I am amazed at this internet site and just how many other women are lementing about the same problems and issues I face everyday of my life. I too aviod going to the hairdressers and people touching or looking at my hair. I gets me so depressed as I feel anything but femanine – my husband on the other hand is going bald but he is absolutely unaffected by his hairloss. Maybe being in Australia with less population makes me stand out more I don’t know? But god, everyday I wish there was a miracle solution to this problem that doesn’t cost a bomb cause I would be the first in line for it. Anyway, I hear what you are all saying and I would just like to say thank you all for being brave enough to say it out aloud.

admin March 3, 2009 at 7:09 pm

Hi Rachel! Welcome to the site! I think many women feel that they are the only one this is happening to and it couldn’t be further from the truth. While we would never want to wish this on anyone, it is comforting to know that other women understand and can relate to what we are feeling.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts

Jenny August 29, 2009 at 10:33 am

Hi, I am so amazed at how many women are having problems with thin fine hair. I was born with very thin fine hair and absolutely hate it because I feel that I can never look feminine. My hair dream would be to have lovely thick locks like jennifer aniston, but alas. I tried hair extensions three times (inlcuding greath lenths which I cut to a chin-length bob to thicken things up a bit). Although it looked great, it was extremely expensive to keep up and damaging. I have quite a high hairline with a lot of thinning on the sides, so I can’t grow it even long enough to do a nice bob. I was thinking of an integration/honeycomb wig but I worry that it will be too noticible if the wind blows and most clip in extensions only come in a full pack with 16 inch hair, which I don’t want. Maybe natural is best. What styles to you girls wear and what works best with our thin fine hair (really thin and fine, ponytail diametre about 1cm.) Hey, just to add insult to injury, my husband’s ex is really nasty and she has incredibly thick hair down to below her waist!

Sami November 28, 2009 at 6:27 pm

I believe being that were going to be in the year 2010 – we have to find a breakthrough in Men & Woman Hair Loss & to grow it back . There are to many products that prove hair grows back.. if hair grows an inch and a quarter a month.. then what’s taking so long for these hair drops that stats it grow hair.lol it’s a scam and their taking hard earned money we work hard for. I believe the government needs to be stoped and let the truth out in all cures in male and women pattern baldness & more.. This has to be fought soon. because its ruining men and woman’s confidence and to get a job and also when they go out to dance.. Hair is main part of being & feeling good about yourself. This has to be fixed asap. Thanks everyone and we hope will finally get an aswer and get fast results quickly.

TorontoGal November 30, 2009 at 5:45 pm

why don ‘t you guys try something like toppik if it bothers you so much. my hair loss has reversed, but i still have a wide hairline… when i wear that you can’t even tell.

also you can try clip in hair pieces, front lace hair products and integrations. yes, losing hair sucks but with all these options, it’s a pain, but there is stuff we can do. imagine being disabled and not being able to reverse it, they still move on and have great lives.

we are lucky, hair is just protein, which can be fixed with awesome wigs etc. i too feel sorry for myself sometimes, but really i could have it worse, so i explore. i wear clip in bangs sometimes with a headband, other times i put a bit of topic and clip in, sometimes i wear a fake pony..it’s quite fun switching up my style!

Tanya May 4, 2013 at 7:14 am

Hmm, that’s really harsh. I agree am innocent remark but as another lady posted, I also wish people would think before they speak. I have found things a lot easier when I heard about this concealer called Nanogen. I have a wide parting and a bit of generalised thinning. I saw my husband’s very handsome best friend using it at a wedding when we were all staying in a Scottish hotel in our 30’s. we have always flirted but nothing ever dream of happening. Anyway we were pretty drunk towards the end of the night and i have noticed a little that his hair has been looking a lot thicker of late and wouldnt have mentioned it but I said I saw him putting this stuff on his hair and what was it. He said it was Nanogen and seemed not bothered about it at all like it was his hair gel. Well….. Not only did I pop straight down to Boots but I also felt perhaps I need to think of this as my cosmetic thing I have to do. I’m lucky health wise and have a quite pretty face and am fairly slim still. Anyway… I really appreciate you sharing that story. It reminded me of how I used to feel and it’s good for you to share amongst virtual friends.

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