Yesterday I woke up with pain on my scalp, a soreness I hadn’t felt for quite sometime. I know what it’s called, Trichodyia. I dread it because in my experience it always seems to correlate with a impending hair shed. I’ve been doing okay so far, since I’ve reduced my synthyroid dosage and my hair loss has improved and seems more stable. But now this, why now? I certainly don’t tie my hair tight in a ponytail, it always fairly loose because if it’s tight I can feel every single follicle tugging. Why now? Even though nothing has changed today and yesterday, I just feel a great sadness. The thought of the possibility of enduring yet another shed brings me to tears. I’ve been in hazy lack luster state since this began, paralyzed by fear thinking I won’t be strong enough to take anymore… my hair can’t take anymore. I feel like I’m one shed away from being entirely bald. Eight years of dealing with this, I know that isn’t true, I know even with all the shedding I somehow manage to make it through and get by, but I still feel the sadness and the pain. I type this though tear obscured eyes. The possible impending shed isn’t even here and may never come yet the pain on the scalp was enough to made me incredibly sad. Like any other conditioned response, my hair loss as conditioned me to feel pain and sadness.~Y
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Posted by admin on Thursday, January 24th, 2008
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8 Responses to “Conditioned To Feel Pain and Sadness - Hair Loss Has Done This To ME”
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January 25th, 2008 at 5:38 am
I too , have scalp and follicular pain .
It brings with it a feeling of impending doom.
Your post brings me to tears.
Keep up the fight.
Marjie
January 25th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Dear Marjie, I’m so sorry you have experienced this as well. It is physically painful and emotionally troubling as well. Today’s scalp pain is a little worse that yesterday and moving my hair slightly or touching my head brings about horrible aching on my head. I haven’t had this an enormous amount of times but I dread and fear it. It brings to mind that Ms. Future Shed is knocking on my door. I hope not, I hope this will just pass.
~Y
January 26th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Y,
I’m so saddened to hear about your pain. I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that I hope it passes without bringing on a shed.
Sending you strength, support and a hug.
Gretchen
January 26th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Hi Gretchen, That you so much care and concern, I really do appreciate it. I’m doing better today, the pain also seems to have subsided, hopefully for good and hopefully there will be no shed. My fingers are crossed. I’m actually headed out soon to the hospital because my brother just had his first baby yesterday, I spent most of yesterday there. So we are all very excited. Yes even during this happy time I think of my hair because of all the family members that will be there who haven’t seen me in some time. Yesterday was picture crazy day and everytime someone held the baby, pictures went off like crazy, and video also. I shutter to see myself in those. Same for today, new family members will be stopping by. But it’s just one of those things you have to surrender yourself to for such a joyous occasion.
Talk soon,
Y
January 26th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I have never had this experience only an itchy scalp followed by some hair shed. I am sorry that you have to go through this.
With such pain it sounds like there is some joy and I am glad that you have the opportunity to hold and get to know your baby nephew.
ShanLaree
January 27th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
hI
just logging to say hello!
February 24th, 2008 at 3:35 am
i feel it sometimes too , so does an aunt of mine … that pain like something is tugging my hair at the top of my head .
your post made me tear up …hopefully one day we’ll get over our hair .
just wish i could believe myself when i say … i am not my hair.
but i feel like such a liar ..
February 24th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
HI Gee.
I choose to believe we will all find our own solution and it may be different from each others. I hope that we find it sooner rather than later and even if it means total acceptance of it.
S