Women’s Hair Loss Project

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I talk so much more now about shaving my head with my fiance, he is all for it. If you are wondering why I would want to do that, please read my hair loss story. I cannot treat it anymore, my medications have stopped working, but yet I still am a prisoner to them. I fear if I remove myself from them I will experience greater shedding from a hormone shift. Shaving my head would free me. It would allow me to get off my medication now and not have to “see” the shedding. It is the shedding that tears me up inside, a constant reminder that very soon I’ll just have thin patches of hair around my head.

Talking isn’t doing, but that fact I am talking about shaving my head is really healthy. I am getting more comfortable with the idea each time I really try to envision it. I’m starting to believe that I will eventually be able to make that choice. Thinking about it makes me sigh a breath of relief… I’d be able to finally get off the aldactone and orthotricyclen I’ve been using to treat my hair loss. In my post titled “Regretting Past Decisions on My Hair Loss” I relay my regret about ever getting back on the pill to treat my hair loss, knowing it was the very cause of it. I didn’t really think it through. I didn’t realize that even if it worked I would have to be on it forever to maintain the hair that it saved. But what about children? I haven’t had kids and have felt that that option has been ripped away from me. How can I have kids on the pill? I can’t. But how can I get off knowing that I could have even more increased shedding that would depress me so much I couldn’t get out of bed. How would I be able to be a mother then? I wouldn’t. Not to mention who knows the damage of taking birth control pills and aldactone, an antiandrogen which is essentially a blood pressure pill, long term? I don’t have high blood pressure yet I agreed to take Aldactone for it’s antiandrogen properties, I didn’t think it all through.

I suppose my feelings would be all different if the treatments continued to work warding off impending hair loss, but it isn’t. Not after 8 years it isn’t. It did help me before (I think) although I never will really know what would have happened if I just decided to let be what would be 8 years ago. Would my hair loss have stopped on it’s own? Would my hormones or whatever was causing the extreme loss after getting off the pill rectify by itself? Maybe. Maybe not.

Part of healing will be accepting the decisions I made. Accepting myself. Once I’ve done that, I think I’ll be ready to shave my head and start living again. I look forward to that day.