In the ever constant battle I have with my hair loss I strive to be victorious and triumph over all that it has seemed to take away from me. Some days I feel I am a clear winner and remain productive, pushing the obsessive hair loss thoughts aside, tying what’s left of my hair back, and walking out the door to get on with my life. Other days I feel like I got kicked in the head by godzilla’s foot. Obviously since I’m writing this today, it is clear that today is one of those kicked to the head days and my hair loss has got the best of me… for this moment anyways.
What frustrates me is that I try so hard to move on, but I’m constantly reminded that I have so little hair on my head. I just got done doing a pretty decent session of cardio. I ran on the treadmill for 60 minutes, hoping the run would clear my mind and help me to be more positive today. But… it’s hard to enjoy the run when the sweat rolls straight down my head and I can feel it all over, itching every part of my scalp. When I had all my hair this wasn’t a problem, the hair would just absorb the sweat. In the absence of my former tresses I now am confronted with pools of sweat soaking what’s left of my hair and rolling down into my eyes, into my ears…. everywhere. I manage to get through all of that, constantly patting my face and head with a towel. I then go to my room to change, and there in the mirror I see the reflection of disaster staring back. My soaked head has a million streaked gaps of bald scalp showing threw my very fine hair. It was just awful.
Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I end up getting pulled back down and receive a forceful reminder that I’m losing my hair and things will never be the same.
I’ve had these emotional ups and downs long enough to know that there will be better days ahead, I will not give up. I will continue to fight to reclaim myself because…
I am not my hair
I am not my hair
I am not my hair
I am not my hair
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Mira 10.17.07 at 1:55 am
I know how you feel, my solution has been to buy myself lots of cute, cotton headscarves which I wear when I go to the gym. They soak up the sweat and prevent me from having to see my scalp in the many-mirrors of the gym! You really are so much more than your hair, try to hold on to that thought!
Susan 10.17.07 at 7:28 pm
I have a tee shirt that says “it’s not a bald spot, it’s a solor panel for a sex machine”. My husband bought it for me. He doesn’t seem to mind my bald head, thank goodness. When I’m feeling devasted, the tee shirt cheers me up a bit.
admin 10.20.07 at 6:55 am
Hi Susan - Welcome To The Site! Thank goodness for supportive husbands, it’s important to maintain some sort of sense of humor about hair loss. I manage to make a joke here or there about it. I remember seeing a poster on the ceiling of my dentist’s office when I was a kid, it was a Garfield picture with Odie and it said “We Must All Learn To Laugh At Ourselves.” I’ve always remembered that.
The other day I was at the grocery store with my fiance, and I guess I was just having a forgetful day and he was commenting on it to which I said “Ahhhh leave me alone I have A-L-O-P-E-C-I-A” dragging out the last word very slowly. Is reply was “SOOO DOOOO I” Ha! We both started laughing.
Hi Mira - The head scarves is a great idea and I’m going to get myself some because like you mentioned, the gym mirrors are a whole other thing to deal with the scarf sort of takes care of 2 problems. Thanks.
lynne 08.16.08 at 4:15 am
The sweat issue is one that I always constantly battle. At the gym I am cool because I tuck all my hair in a baseball hat. but it on days like this when it is 100 degrees that I just go crazy. The top front is my thinnest and of course that gets sweaty first. If I wear a bandanna then eventually that gets soaked too. My next step is to get a big head scarf that I can wrap multiple times….