So I just read a story on The Bald Truth website that sparked a touchy nerve for myself. The guy wrote he had “hair envy.” Oh my, how I can very much relate. I find I’ve lost countless seconds, minutes and hours of my life lusting after other women’s hair. If I ever witness a crime, I won’t be able to offer much other than a complete description of every hair follicle, of each woman who was in the room. Color, length, density, soft, dry… whatever, you name and I’ve taken note of it.

I am frequently absent from conversations of the company I am around because I’m too busy having wandering eyes for women’s hair. In the past it wasn’t uncommon for an entire day to be ruined because I saw what appeared to be a 90 year old woman with crazy, rich, silver, thick hair that could surely land her smack right in the middle of a Pantene commercial. How unfair! I started losing my hair at 21 and she STILL has ALL her hair. But as my mom always used to say “Life isn’t fair.” How true. Nine years of hair loss has shown me how unfair life can be to people, and I am talking about more than hair. Mental note to self… I got a raw deal, no two ways about it, no one should ever lose their hair at 21 or 30 or 40 for that matter. But, be thankful that I have my health, a wonderful partner, a great family and a pretty darn good life aside from this “hair thing.”

I never appreciated my thick hair when I had it, I wish I had. Everything we have can technically be “on loan” so we have to try so hard, even on those days when the shedding has us scraping the floor, to appreciate what we have today. I am reminded of the song “Everybody’s Free” by Baz Luhrmann. In the song he says, “Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.” and then he goes on to say “Do one thing every day that scares you.” and I’m thinking, uh I DO.. I SHOWER and COMB what’s left of my hair.

Just for kicks, here is the video of the song “Everybody’s Free!”

When I was younger I never ever could have imagined that my destiny was to be a woman with hair loss. The thick mane (clearly on loan) that I was born with was only a temporary gift. Over the last 9 years I’ve suffered a lot, but I’ve also learned a lot. I’ve become a stronger individual and also someone is more compassionate, forgiving and understanding of others around me. I suppose depending on your religious standpoint one could argue that God had wanted to challenge me, test me and make me a better person. I’ve searched for answers high and low, a deeper understanding of why, why me? For myself to live and stay sane, I have to personally believe that there is a “reason” that this was thrust upon me at 21 years of age. So I go with that, whatever helps you sleep at night right? I practically slept through my 20’s feeling sadness and despair for the future… what will be tomorrow. I feel such a heaviness and sadness when I write that, a get a lump in my throat and my eyes begin to well up with tears. I feel a sadness for yesterday even though it’s gone and far behind. Almost like I’m mourning the years I’ve left behind, the years of hair loss. I look back and I realize it was so needless to stay in bed and hide from the world. All along the way I had enough hair to get by and not have the world know my dark little secret.

I would really like to drum that message into the minds of the women who are waking up today and realizing they are losing their hair. You still have A LOT of hair, more than you know and the world isn’t staring at it, only you are. Someone once asked me what I would do differently looking back on the years I’ve dealt with hair loss… I would have lived more. I would have said yes to more dinners and social gatherings, parties and quiet get togethers, I would have let my hair down instead of trying to hide what was only visible to myself. After all during all that time, I still had enough, but I was too focused on the worry of tomorrow to appreciate what I had today.

I am 30 years old now and don’t want to make that same mistake. There is no doubt my coping skills have far advanced over the years and I can snap out of a “down time” a lot faster. I still struggle with things like talking about my hair loss, letting others into my world. I still have a long way to go (hopefully with hair still on my head) in self acceptance, but I’m pretty proud at how far I’ve come. I still run away from mirrors and turn off lights, it is all apart of how I’ve learned to cope. I hope one day I’ll be able to stare at myself in a store window or leave the harsh lights on in the bathroom, look at my reflection and love what is looking back at me. This is me, this is who I am, I have female pattern hair loss… the hand has been dealt and now it’s is up to me to either learn from the past or guarantee myself future regrets.

~Y

http://community.womenshairlossproject.com/womenshairlossproject/

So I got an email today from a friend I sort of have lost touch with over this last year. This is a person I never confided to about my hair loss and the more severe and less able to hide that my hair loss got, the more I distanced myself. I make up reasons why I can’t get together, work this or that… and she just emailed putting out an open invitation out there to meet up with her and another friend I lost touch with as well. I just burst out into tears and started crying uncontrollably. I cried because of how I must make others feel by avoiding their invitations for get togethers, I must seem like a flake. I cried for my inability to tell them “this is why.” I know they’d understand but I don’t want to be scrutinized I don’t really want any questions and I just prefer to hide and keep to myself. I cry for myself, for the torment that hair loss has caused me, and for any pain it has caused me to most likely cause others by my actions.

As most of you have probably already noticed I haven’t written very much lately. I’ve just been sort of trying to refocus my energy to get through this really really tough time. As I write I have to pause as I cannot see the screen though all my tears that keep falling like water out of a facet. I cannot be certain as to why I am going through another very bad shed, I should know by now that I probably should just stop asking why and move on.

For the most part I get through my day, but with a sadness and awareness each time I touch my head or see my reflection. I avoid all mirrors even the ones in grocery stores. I run past store windows for fear I’ll catch that glimpse that will ruin my day. That is how I’ve worked to be able to main a quasi productive day and to live my life… avoid my reflection, turn off the bathroom lights before entering, wear my hair up in a ponytail type bun so that I do not feel the lack of hair I have and to avoid having to be reminded every second of the day that I’m losing my hair as another strand falls on my arm, shoulders or back.

I just took a shower and washed my hair, it pretty much is dried already by the time I take a comb to it, thats how thin it is now. I comb through, saying any words of comfort to myself, a prayer, the alphabet, anything to keep myself busy while I get through the toughest part of my day. The hair falls out so easy like gobs of spaghetti. I consider taking the razor to my head right then and there and just being done with it, but I decide against it for the moment. I’m usually much stronger than this when dealing with my hair but I’ve felt so sad and weak lately. I remind myself it is only hair, and if this is the worst thing that ever happens to me then I probably should consider myself lucky. I feel so sad right now, a heaviness that just sits on me. It’s 4:35pm do you think it is too early for a glass of wine? I think not.

P.S. Forgive me if you’ve written to me and I have not answered yet, I will definitely get back to you. I’m just trying to piece myself back together right now.

So I am starting to go through a bit of a shed once again. Still not terrible and much better than the last 2 years, but a shed none-the-less. Here is my lemon into lemonade update. As most everyone probably knows who has followed my story, I lowered my synthroid dosage awhile back since I felt it was contributing to my excessive shedding. The shedding slowed down dramatically and I’ve been trying to enjoy each day that I don’t see a gazillion hairs laying in the sink after a comb through.

It has been probably a couple weeks now where I’ve noticed my hair starting to shed more and more. But I’m still doing okay, why? Because the hairs that are shedding are full length, long and strong terminal hairs. This is such an improvement for me. In the midst of my most horrible shedding time, my hair would shed all different lengths of hairs, one inch long, two inch, four inch, six inch, 1/2 inch and some that even looked the size of arm hairs. That would depress me to no end because I felt my poor hairs were not getting even the slightest chance at a decent hair life cycle. They were exiting my scalp way too prematurely, so any new growth would just fall out. Shedding long hairs, while not pleasant either, means that my overall hair cycle is improving and stabilizing. I least that is how I have decided to interpret it! It keeps my mind healthy and strong, and allows me to continue on with my days. So whether it is true or not matters very little, all that matters is what my mind believes.

Be positive, be positive, be positive.

Also, just a reminder, tomorrow (Thursday April 10th) is our first women’s hair loss support chat meeting at 6:30pm - 7:30pm PST. If you are interested in joining us, sign up in advance for an account in the network. http://community.womenshairlossproject.com/

You’ll need to login to your account tomorrow at that time and click on the “Chat” link in the top navigation bar. Hope to see you there!

Yesterday I was talking to my mom on the phone and she was telling me about a little girl she saw at the store that reminded her of me as a kid. She said “the little girl had really really thick auburn hair, lots and lots of hair, very long and pretty.” She also reminded me how I used to lay my head on her lap and she would brush my long thick hair. *sigh* That is certainly a harmless comment, except I no longer have that super thick hair, and haven’t for quite sometime, so it still hurt me and brought me down ever so briefly. I used to have that insanely thick hair, even as a 3 year old my bangs were thicker than all of the hair I have today. Oddly enough at around age 3 I had red hair even though there are no red heads in my family. That color changed over the years, until I dyed it fire engine red when I was 18. I’m glad I did that and enjoyed my hair during the those years. Looking back at old pictures of my firey red hair, I feel sadness and loss, but I take a deep breath and say “that is then, this is now, moving forward.”

I’m a different person today because of my hair loss, I’m more understanding, compassionate, non judgmental and more patient. I’ve pondered the meaning of beauty and of strength. I’ve come to realize I can’t control everything, but what I can control is my outlook, and how I let “uncontrollable” things affect me. It’s a work in progress

A Blog Post By Kathyloulu

One New Year’s Eve a few years ago we had some friends over for a little get together. After one of our friends described how she had been upset over a comment that was made to her and how her husband responded in the “wrong” way, we joked that we should establish and website and 1-800 number to help men with what they should say to their wives in difficult situations. We decided we should call it: 1-800-HELP-MEN or 1800helpmen.com

So… if the man in your life were to call this hypothetical hotline, I’d give him this 12-step program to help him help you deal with your hair loss — and to help them know the correct “wig etiquette.” Even if your partner is not a man, much of the program still applies. Read on…

1) Acknowledge that she is losing her hair. Don’t pretend that she looks the same because she knows she doesn’t and she needs your support and encouragement. However, just as with every other “appearance issue,” use discretion in how you give an honest answer. For example, she might say, “Do I look weird?” And you might think that a simple “Yes” or “no” will do. Might I recommend that you use a few more, but carefully-selected, words? Try this, “Honey, I fell in love with you, not your hair, and I think you are so strong for the way you are dealing with this.” See? You didn’t even have to actually answer her question, but instead validated her real underlying need to know that she is OK and that you are OK with her.

2) Tell her that you love her no matter how she looks. Tell her often and in a variety of ways. Here are some ideas: notes, cards, phone calls, favors, whispers, kisses, sex, gifts, etc. – but not necessarily listed in order of importance. Note on the sex thing… If she is having self-esteem issues with her hair loss (which most of us do), let her turn the lights off if that makes her more comfortable. Whatever your normal routine is in that regard – lights on or lights off, or, heck, hair on or off – let her make the call as to what she is most comfortable with. Personally, I have a hard time with this because I generally take off my wig, but then I’m distracted when Eric looks at me because I think that “how can he make love to me when I look like this?” Of course, I am also aware that once a man is in bed with a naked woman, her hair is way down on the list of things he’s interested in. [click to continue...]

The Women’s Hair Loss Project is looking for creative, passionate and knowledgeable volunteer hair loss writers to write original articles for our blog. You must have a good command of the English language and be able to effectively communicate your thoughts through words. You don’t have to be a professional writer by any means, just need to be passionate and with a desire to help other women and write articles that other female hair loss sufferers can relate to and learn from.

The hair loss world is much bigger than my thoughts and views and I am looking to provide women with a greater hair loss perspective outside of my own. I’ve seen the blog writings of many women in our network and realize that so many others have so much to contribute. I’ve already reposted a couple of writings written by Dottie and Kathyloulu, members of the Women’s Hair Loss Project Network.

What Type of Articles Are You Looking For?

Pretty much anything that would be of value to another woman going through hair loss. Some example topics of interest could be:

Tips and suggestions for coping and dealing with hair loss

Thyroid and hair loss

How to emotionally deal with hair loss.

Making the decision to wear hair

Adjusting to wearing hair ( If you are a hair wearer you definitely have something to contribute here)

How to find a reputable hair loss replacement provider

Hair loss treatments (the real ones only used by medical professionals) Rogaine, Aldactone (spironolactone) and oral contraceptives. Vitamins and nutritional supplements are good too expand upon.

Help finding the right doctor.

How to avoid getting scammed by the online hair loss predators

PCOS and hair loss

Hair loss news commentary

Etc Etc. The list could go on forever.

By opening the blog up to other writers I am probably going to get a swarm of people interested in only writing a fluff article to embed a million links back to their own site. So here our my over protective rules.

Guidelines and Rules

Since I am looking for only sincere people I have to get a bit creative. All articles written will contain the author credit at the top and bottom of the article. [click to continue...]

You know what, my dog doesn’t care if I have hair so crazy thick like the Pantene girl or two like Homer Simpson. He’d love me fat, he’d love me bald, he’d love me in ugly clothes. He’d love me because he loves me and he doesn’t judge those things. Why do I judge myself so harshly? Why does society judge so harshly? Everyone always says it, but often it is difficult to make yourself believe, beauty comes from within. That is the truth. We are all going to get old, and looks fade, but who we are inside, how we treat other people, how we impact their lives… that will last through our lifetime and beyond.

But it is difficult to translate that idea to the brain when you stand in front of a mirror and hardly recognize the person staring back. It will sound funny, but when I attempt to clip my hair with a butterfly clip (hard to do with not a lot of hair) I resemble an ICE CREAM CONE! Hard to explain but let me tell you, it isn’t a good look!

Admittedly, I watch American Idol more for checking out Paula’s latest hair than for the actual singing competition. She is a hair wearer, love her for that, and she looks so darn good. It is a testament to how good hair can look. It changes pretty much weekly and it gives me hope.

The other problem I find myself confronted with is finding a really good local salon that can provide quality hair without having to mortgage my house to afford it, although I’d sell my car an anything else I had to just to be able to get what I needed to feel comfortable in my own skin. Where do Tyra, Beyonce, and every other celebrity who wears hair, get theirs? I haven’t really pounded the pavement searching for a hair replacement service provider so perhaps I haven’t searched hard enough. Online providers are plenty, but I’d prefer meeting with a compassionate hair replacement provider in person when the time comes. If you haven’t already, you should read my Ebay wig purchasing experience.

Well there are my hairy thoughts. I wish everyone a great Friday night! Go out, stay in, do what you do and feel good about being you. You are beautiful. Judge Judy says “Beauty Fades Dumb Is Forever,” so I’m working on making myself smarter than the women with the shampoo commercial hair, in the end I’ll be the leader!!! Whoo Hooo! Gotta laugh right?